Am I being paranoid?! Help!
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Am I being paranoid?! Help!
| Mon, 07-19-2004 - 5:25am |
I have been married for nearly one year. I love my husband very much and am positive that he feels the same way. However, throughout this period, there have been 2 incidents which have made me lose all trust in him. After a few months of our marriage and while one time I was using his mobile phone, I came across some questionable messages to and from a co-worker of his.. which expressed a little too much affection for my comfort! I confronted him with these messages and he said that they are just friends and that they are all very friendly within the office environment and that I am overreacting and that it means nothing. We resolved the problem eventually and things were going well for a few months under the promise that he will not have any contact with her outside of the office context. I became very distrustful however and was lacking in self confidence. I started checking through his phone messages and I didn’t believe things that he told me. a couple of months later as I was looking through his messages, which I am not proud of in the least, I found some messages from the same coworker and again expressing too much affection! Again I confronted him, and this time I decided to leave home for a few days to give us both time to think and to show him that the issue is very serious to me and cannot be dropped as easily as the first incident. He apologized profusely and we discussed it for days on end. We resolved the problem with him admitting that he had made a mistake but that there was nothing physical going on between them and that it was just a few silly messages every now and then. He promised that he will never put me in such a situation again and that he would never hurt me again. This was 5 months ago and although I have seen nothing from him since then (even though I am still checking his phone).. I have zero trust in him. Every time he tells me that he is going out with the guys, I am skeptical.. if he receives an sms message on his phone, I immediately think that it’s a female.. I always have a gut feeling that he is up to something behind my back, I am always on the look out to catch him out and so much more. I know that a trust-less relationship will never work but I can’t help how I feel. I don’t know if I am being paranoid by doubting every move he makes or if my mistrust and gut feelings are due to a rightful cause. How can I resolve this issue once and for all and start trusting my husband again?

As long as you continue to "check up" and monitor your husband's actions...the man doesn't have a prayer! He might be living a clean life and honoring the marriage vows he took a year ago, but you will NEVER be convinced of the fact.
There COULD be a co-worker who refuses to leave your husband alone, but unless he's truly encouraging her...and Pianoguy senses that this isn't the case...you've got to get past your 'non-trusting' issue once and for all!
Sooooo....if you CAN'T (or don't want to) trust your husband...and you aren't interested in getting a little professional "assistance" for yourself...talk to a legal advisor about a trial separation or (maybe) a divorce! You also might want to talk to a minister or rabbi...because you definitely need a little "reassurance" from somebody!
Pianoguy