Am i being paranoid?Please write

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Am i being paranoid?Please write
7
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 11:52am

This may seem a little graphic--well not graphic but just related to sex and the messiness related to it. lol

I go to my b/f's place and usually he is not there unless i am over(he stays with his mom and does things for her at her house etc) But he was there like 2 or three times that week because he is working on his bike. The place does not look neat or anything like that. We are in the bedroom and the bed isn't made and it wasn't made from the last time i was there so thats fine. We lay on the bed and eventually we do sleep with one another..I see stains (and you know from what) but i don't remember it being from us. I mean-it was kind of in the area we slept in just then and i said where did that come from and he said i dunno, its not from me--i'm over here and it must be from u. So there was a stain to the right of me and then i also saw a stain to the left of him and i couldn't really tell if it was new or old lol He also brought new sheets that night so he can change them. Am i being paranoid thinking its from someone else?
I feel like if i a guy really was cheating--he would change the sheets atleast before i get to his apartment and not change it after we slept in it so there would no signs of someone else such as the scent from her or something. I saw down on the bed too--wouldnt i have noticed the stains before i layed down next to him and before we eventually did more?
Don't know if i am looking to hard into this. Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 12:00pm
Personally, I think it's impossible to know for sure just by looking at them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 3:08pm

flowr12...

PG chuckled for a few minutes after he read your post. You might have inadvertently discovered the premis for another "network reality show?" The title would be: "DID HE SLEEP WITH SOMEONE ELSE---OR IS HE JUST A SLOB?"

ANYWAY...

If I was your b/f...and had a previous 'close encounter with another woman'...the sheets would immediately go off the bed and into the laundry basket!

Besides...who REALLY wants to sleep on sheets that are stained with...lord only knows...WHAT?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 5:32pm

Guuurrrrll... don't continue to sit, lie, sleep or do ANYTHING on your boyfriend's dirty sheets. You have every right to insist that the sheets be changed and the room be cleaned if YOU are going to spend any more time at his house. If he doesn't want to be clean, then you don't have to subject yourself to this environment. It's not only gross it's unhealthy. Since you don't know whose body fluids are really on that bed, you don't know what nasty little bacteria are living there.

In terms of trying to learn whether he's cheating on you, I don't think sheets will tell you the true story. But one thing you can do is strip the bed immediately after you have sex and put fresh sheets on. If there are stains on the SAME sheets the next time you visit, that's a pretty good indication that SOMEBODY is having sex on that bed while you are not there. Yuck.

Good luck with that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 7:36pm

<< If there are stains on the SAME sheets the next time you visit, that's a pretty good indication that SOMEBODY is having sex on that bed while you are not there. Yuck.>>

By all means, ask him to change the sheets.

As for somebody having sex, sheesh, he could be masturbating ... stains are stains ... it really doesn't take two to make a stain. What do you want, a DNA test to prove he's wrong, wrong, wrong? Once again, you are looking for things, for him to be WRONG. So, that your feelings can be validated as RIGHT. And anytime there's a tone of right/wrong in a relationship, it's a recipe for disaster. Does he even know how you REALLY feel about him? (that you think so little of him).

Your paranoia is leaving you grasping at straws for anything ... stains, him smelling like soap, him changing his pants when he usually doesn't! (gosh forbid, he's damned for being hygenic (the soap), he's damned for not (the dirty sheets) ... this guy doesn't have a chance of being RIGHT with you, flowr! ... what's next, are you going to start calling off every number in his cell phone? (please don't take that as a cue, it's not meant to be)

I know this may be a little harsh, but your paranoia is way over the top. Please, what is all this about? Where is this mistrust coming from? Has he betrayed you in the past? Did a previous BF cheat on you? This is a very high level of paranoia, all of this looking for things to be wrong ... and hon, it's stemming from YOUR insecurities.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 1:11pm

There's an easy solution to this.

HE needs to leave this relationship ASAP. She doesn't trust him. She doesn't believe him. She doesn't respect him. Her actions are getting extremely close to being abusive towards him.

No man is obligated to put up with that kind of treatment. At least he will get some personal freedom during his trip.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 2:10pm

<< No man is obligated to put up with that kind of treatment. At least he will get some personal freedom during his trip.>>

I'd agree that this level of mistrust and projected wrong-doing is enough to push any sane man away. And, if it doesn't push him away, then he doesn't respect himself much, either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 7:08pm
Oh dear oh dear...this and then your earlier post about you being scared of him going to his bike rally, I really think you or him need to get out of this relationship, that is my true advice for you at this point.