Am i being selfish??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Am i being selfish??
7
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 12:52pm
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 months. He is currently unemployed and is on unemployment. Recently he has gotten into some trouble and has to spend a lot of his money for court costs and what not. So usually if we go out to eat or anything I am usually the one that pays, I even bought him clothes the other day which I didn't mind. It's just now he is constantly complaining that he doesn't have money to do anything. Yet, he has money to buy beer and those types of things.

So last night I told him that the money he spent on beer he could spend on me to go out or something. And he replied "I promise on my next check we will do something". I am not trying to sound shallow or anything but I wish he would pay for things every now and then or get me something. I mean he does write me sweet letters and things all the time. But, I don't know. Am I being selfish?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 2:23pm
No, your not being selfish at all! A man should always hold up his end of the relationship, especially if he has money for beer, etc. I do however understand that he is unemployed and that may not be his fault, but is he actively looking for new employment? Supporting someone for awhile is okay (especially if they have ever supported you through a job change, etc) but, if it goes on to long and he is not trying to improve his situation--then I would say he may be using you. Just keep your eyes wide open! Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 3:35pm

No, I think you were correct in letting him know how you feel.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 5:47pm
Why don't you start finding fun, non costly dates? Have a picnic and make the food. Go for nature walks. Hit the museum on the "student" night.

I don't think you are being selfish - 3 mos is a little soon to be "investing" in anyone. I'd go to dinner with my friends and just 'hang out' with him instead of paying for him. Call me cheap ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 10:13pm
The best way to help someone is to know when to set limit. Giving in more than your supposed to is only telling them it's ok to stay in that situation. To some they never go out of that dependency so be careful on what/how you give in. No cost dating is the best way to go because then you know he will not feel like he owes you a lot. Goodluck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 10:39pm
hello,

I know how you feel, i was in a similar situation, I paid for everything all the time, I think he should pay for things every no and then, because it just gets old paying for everything all the time, and can put stress on you and your relationship. He does gat an income, and should be able to do something, even if he went somewhere and oicked you flowers, it would help, just to show you he is trying to do something good for you. To show he appreciates everything. I think when he gets a job things will change, you won't be the only one paying for things, so it should work out in the long run, i wish the both of you the best of luck, and maybe this will bring you two closer, you never know when it may be a good thing. Any way i hope this helps some.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 1:00pm
Beer money prioritizes dating you....thats just a fact.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 2:58pm
How much time are you willing to put into this relationship? No job, unemployment, and spending his money on beer.........................get out of this relationship. Not to mention the fact that he's gotten into trouble with the law. Come on,,,,,,,,respect yourself a little more. I'm sure you can do better.