Am I Being Too hard on Him??
Find a Conversation
Am I Being Too hard on Him??
| Tue, 01-24-2006 - 7:50pm |
Okay dating doyennes here is a question for all of you. I've been very close friends with Matt for a few months now. He has always had a major crush on me but now I am single and my feelings for him have grown fairly deep. He is so nice, he does everything for me and brings flowers all the time, and he is one of my best friends. He is my age, in our twenties, and he's so shy that sometimes he can't even look at me. He calls constantly, and has told me that he is in love with me. He seemed to think I was the greatest thing on the face of the planet, and even his friends have noticed that he's happier than he has ever been now.
Well, last night he came over and we had a few drinks. He has a low tolerance for alcohol and was a little drunk. He finally got up the nerve to kiss me and I let him. This is where it gets tricky.
He made a comment about how well I kiss, and maybe it was the alcohol but I THINK he sounded upset by that! Then he tried to go even further and I would not let him. He was just grabbing me all over the place, it was like he was out of control. I finally made him leave.
As much as I thought he adored me, wouldn't he have been much more gentle? I haven't spoken to him all day because I have been a little upset, thinking that I wanted it to be so romantic and it turned into that. He was so rough! Am I being too hard on him?
Well, last night he came over and we had a few drinks. He has a low tolerance for alcohol and was a little drunk. He finally got up the nerve to kiss me and I let him. This is where it gets tricky.
He made a comment about how well I kiss, and maybe it was the alcohol but I THINK he sounded upset by that! Then he tried to go even further and I would not let him. He was just grabbing me all over the place, it was like he was out of control. I finally made him leave.
As much as I thought he adored me, wouldn't he have been much more gentle? I haven't spoken to him all day because I have been a little upset, thinking that I wanted it to be so romantic and it turned into that. He was so rough! Am I being too hard on him?

Pages
bella251..
Since this is the first time that Matt has become...err...'overly-aggressive' with you, PG suggests you chalk his behavior up to the EXTRA ALCOHOL!
Now if this starts to become a constant occurrence in the future, you might want to establish a few 'ground rules' before the 2 of you decide to take a drink!
Just out of curiosity...how well does he treat you when he's sober?
Pianoguy
He called all day yesterday and I talked to him last night and he seemed to feel pretty bad about it. I saw him today and he didn't try to kiss me this time! He's probably scared to death to now...
Nah, I think he just sounds very sexually inexperienced. Do you think you could actually be one of the first women he's gotten that far with?
My first bf was a virgin, as was I, and he fumbled and grabbed and did all things wrong for quite awhile until I started telling him what to do ;-)
Edited 1/25/2006 7:27 pm ET by bella251
He needs to take you out to dinner. He can kiss you properly when he drops you at home, like a gentleman.
Get this back on track the right way.
It sounds like he is probably pretty inexperienced too. Do you remember those days back in high school with the groping and stuff? LOL - the alcohol paired with his inexperience of what is appropriate and probably with what feels good is likely what made him act this way. If you do like him and want to continue to date him, you might have to show him what you like and don't in a gentle way. However, this could backfire since it sounds like he might be hurt that you have more experience than he does. It's a tricky situation but if you want to date him and see where it goes, let him know you'd like to take your time with the physical and then help him figure out what is appropriate and what's not.
Edited to add (after reading the other post): Just b/c he was married doesn't mean he's experienced! If he was with her and only with her, he doesn't have a variety of experiences. Maybe they didn't get affectionate/physical very often. Maybe she liked that (OK maybe not) or at least maybe she didn't speak up so he doesn't know that's not what to do. You need to let him know what you like and want and go from there.
Edited 1/26/2006 11:13 am ET by vexer_hw
Pages