Am I Being Too hard on Him??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2005
Am I Being Too hard on Him??
13
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 7:50pm
Okay dating doyennes here is a question for all of you. I've been very close friends with Matt for a few months now. He has always had a major crush on me but now I am single and my feelings for him have grown fairly deep. He is so nice, he does everything for me and brings flowers all the time, and he is one of my best friends. He is my age, in our twenties, and he's so shy that sometimes he can't even look at me. He calls constantly, and has told me that he is in love with me. He seemed to think I was the greatest thing on the face of the planet, and even his friends have noticed that he's happier than he has ever been now.
Well, last night he came over and we had a few drinks. He has a low tolerance for alcohol and was a little drunk. He finally got up the nerve to kiss me and I let him. This is where it gets tricky.
He made a comment about how well I kiss, and maybe it was the alcohol but I THINK he sounded upset by that! Then he tried to go even further and I would not let him. He was just grabbing me all over the place, it was like he was out of control. I finally made him leave.
As much as I thought he adored me, wouldn't he have been much more gentle? I haven't spoken to him all day because I have been a little upset, thinking that I wanted it to be so romantic and it turned into that. He was so rough! Am I being too hard on him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2005
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:54pm
Vexer, so that's what he meant when he sounded upset about how "good" I kiss. Never thought of that, about the more experience thing. Makes sense.... and he was with the same woman and I don't think they were very affectionate with each other often.
The thing is, does he want me to be more innocent? If so then I wouldn't think he would have grabbed at me like that...I don't know, I haven't been with many people at all, but I was engaged before.


Edited 1/27/2006 9:58 pm ET by bella251
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 4:01pm

Well, at least that's what *I* think he meant. I don't know about "more innocent" but he might like the role of being the more experienced one or have liked the fact that he and his wife were on a similar level of experience. Personally, how well someone kisses doesn't indicate to ME how experienced they are - I was told from the very beginning that I was a good kisser - and I was very inexperienced at first as we all were. Some people are better at it. He may just have some kind of complex about it or in some way feel "jealous" of your previous boyfriends. I still don't get the grabby thing - maybe since he was thinking you were more experienced that you would like it b/c that's what he was "supposed" to do?? Beats me.

Anyway, if you do like him, I suggest stepping back and learning together what works for you and him together and letting him know that you like being with him.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2005
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 4:20pm

He seems like a good person to me. Let go of the night (although, I don't really know what exactly happened). Give him the benefit of the doubt, and be nice to him. If he feels he has done something wrong, he will certainly realize it and will say sorry. I don't think making him feel guilty is a good idea, although I know you are not doing it intentionally. But the more you remain upset, more the negativity will spread. Just let him know what bothered you, and be your normal self! Try your best. He will be filled with even more respect for you.

I am guessing your feelings for him are developing slowly..
Keep it going slow..and steady.
You are doing the right thing..

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