Am I Dating a Dud?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
Am I Dating a Dud?
7
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 8:37pm
My boyfriend of five months began professing his love for me the first week. Within three weeks he was talking marriage. It seemed like the perfect relationship, and then . . He's taken a three week vacation with his ex-girlfriend (says they are only friends now), allowed another ex-girlfriend to move in with him (totally platonic), and rarely spends any time with me. However, as far as he is concerned everything is wonderful. In addition to his inability to release the ex's, I have to travel to his home to see him and he doesn't cover his fair share of our outing expenses. It has nothing to do with money - he makes nearly twice as much as I do. Crazy enough, I'm madly in love with the guy. I don't know whether there's really value in the relationship or whether deep down I'm a glutton for punishment. Should I stick it out? He says he doesn't intend to take any more vacations with his ex (it was already pre-planned), and his roommate will be moving out soon. He doesn't understand why these things have hurt me and thinks I'm over-reacting. I'm concerned I'm wasting my time and just opening myself up to more pain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
In reply to: neanfl
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 10:04am
You are not overreacting.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: neanfl
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 12:38pm
All I needed to read was "he spends very little time with me"...when I love someone, I want to spend as much time as possible with them. If he loves you, why would he want to be around these other women?

You know the answer...and you know why you like him so much? Because he made it easy...claiming to love you (when is impossible to KNOW someone in one week, let alone love, IMHO)...making all the "dating" akwardness comfortable and easy.

Simple question: are you happy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: neanfl
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 1:39pm
It's hard to believe a person would honestly not understand why his SO would be upset or uncomfortable with him going on vacations and living with ex gfs. He must be very insensitive (or not too bright). If you are not exaggerating when you say he "rarely spends time" with you, then that alone may be a clue that he's not the right guy for you. Try to figure out why you're madly in love with him? Is it more a case of loving being in love? At 5 months you may just be starting to get to the point where you are seeing one another more clearly and getting to know the real person behind the dating facades it's common to wear at the beginning. If as time goes on you like less and less of what you see, he's probably not the guy for you. Remember: actions speak louder than words. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: neanfl
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 1:52pm


I agree with the post before me. And i wanted to add something

for you to think about. I've been in your shoes. I just got out

of a year relationship. Completely one-sided. relationship. In

which your's kind of reminded me of mine.

He lived just twenty minutes from my house. Yet, he never wanted

to come over. Never wanted to spend time with me at my home or

with my family. He slowly tried to take me away from them. Talked

me into spending all my money on him. Ran up $300 or more dollar

cell bills. Which he made me promise that he would eventually get

put in his name. YEAH Right!! He never did. He never intended too.

He proposed marriage. After I mentioned. Then didn't marry me b/c

he said I didn't take him seriously. Puh-lease! This guy had no

intentions of every marrying me. IF he did, it was for the money.

He became controlling and somewhat abusive. He burnt me with a cigarette

lighter. When he said I was out of line. Just because I talked back

to him. He had this girl who he claimed was "just a friend". One day

when he was drunk. He let me hold his phone and it was titled under

my baby. Which it wasn't my number! Then I told him no sex and no

spending time together and time to go our separete ways. Big suprize

four days passed and I found out he had been with that girl and didn't

plan on telling me. I guess that he thought he would continue to see

both me and her.

My question is: Does any of this sound fimilar? and I agree with the other

women's post. Why is he still so friendly with his ex? and spends less time

with you- his girlfriend. My advice- take some time apart from him and

reevulate your relationship with him. Do u really trust him? And does he

treat you like a princess? Buy u stuff for no reason? buy you flowers or

roses or calls u back when he doesn't want something? that's just my

opion. I've learned my lesson the hard way.

If all you ever do is give,give give in the relationship. You might want to

reconsider you can e-mail me if you want to hear more about my relationship.

SingleTNChic04@yahoo.Com

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
In reply to: neanfl
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 1:57pm

Hon, you are giving this man a free ride.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
In reply to: neanfl
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 6:24pm
I know you're right, because I've recently tried to put more of the relationship responsibility on his shoulders. What I got in return was nothing - no phone calls, no visits, nothing. As sad as it sounds, I don't want to lose him. Maybe I should just enter the ex-girlfriend category. They always seem to get plenty of his time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
In reply to: neanfl
Wed, 06-30-2004 - 6:29pm
Thanks for the response. I am at a point where I would really like to have someone to share my life with. I've been divorced for over four years, and this is my first long-term relationship (if you can call 5 months a long time). I do want to be in love, but I hope I don't settle for a one-sided relationship with the wrong person. I know that ultimately we would both be miserable. I enjoy being with him: his energetic, funny, active, always has lots of friends around. I like those things. In the beginning, I even felt good when I was around him. Now I just feel stupid for letting him use me.