Am I expecting too much?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Am I expecting too much?
2
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 9:56pm
I am in my late 20's and have been dating this guy for a little over 2 months now. He was introduced to me by my friend and is currently on a project in my city. I think we had a pretty nice start. I am very new at relationships since I have not dated alot or been in a serious relationship before. I really like him, but just don't show it sometimes. He is also a bit shy.

Because he does not live here, I don't get to see him every week. But I am completely fine with that. When I do see him, we enjoy each other's company. However, it seems that lately I have been the one to call him first. When I do call, he does always call me back right away. I don't want to seem too eager, so now I try to wait for him to call me. But that is not working as I expected.

I feel that a new relationship needs alot of communication in the beginning in order for it to work especially when it is a long distance relationship. There is still alot that I need to learn about him. When he finishes his project and leaves the city, it would even be harder for us to see each other. If we don't build a solid foundation now, it might fall apart when he goes away.

Am I expecting too much that he should be calling me or see me more often? I have just read what others wrote about "He is just not that into you". It basically points out that if a guy doesn't call, that means he is not into you. Could it be that he has lost interest in me or that he has something else on his mind?

Please advice!


Edited 11/3/2004 11:08 pm ET ET by magnolia2001

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:07am
It may just be that he's hesitant about starting up a long distance relationship. It can be tough, and if you don't agree to make the best effort (like calling eachother) to have the relationship, it just won't work. And you have to ask yourself if either of you would consider moving to be closer to one another?

I'm in an LDR right now, however I had plans to move to his city before I met him, so our LDR is only temporary. Otherwise, I don't think we'd be wasting our time if neither had any intentions of moving closer to one another. And we talk and email eachother almost every day, so we are making the effort to build the relationship, even though we can't see eachother every day.

I don't know what the distance is between the 2 of you, but you both need to decide if it is worth the extra money in airfare or gas to see eachother. Why waste the money if you don't see anything serious possibly happening. I'm 2 1/2 hrs from my SO, and I can tell you, for one weekend, we usually spend about over $200 in gas and entertainment. And with seeing eachother every other weekend, that gets expensive. (But it's worth it.)

Don't know if this helps!

Nikki
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 2:19pm
I think you are expecting too much. You just started dating this guy and it's only been two months. Even if you're already talked about dating exclusively, it seems premature to be planning on a long-term long-distance relationship. Have you talked about what you're both expecting? While it sounds like you are looking for a long term serious relationship, are you sure that he does too? If he's planning on moving soon, perhaps he thinks this is just casual dating that will end when he moves.