Am I just being jealous??
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Am I just being jealous??
| Tue, 04-13-2004 - 12:34pm |
I've been dating this guy for just over 2 yrs now. Last year he used to go for walks with this married girl we work with for exercise. I guess I had a problem with her then because I didnt trust her, he and I were always finding that her stories didnt match up or she lied about somethings. When we became more serious, he stopped taking walks with her. Recently she has stopped working with us and has been doing some modeling on the side. My guy has a certificate in photography and likes to re-finish pictures etc...we'll here's the problem: A couple of weeks ago he came to me and told me that he agreed to re-finish these pictures and it turns out that they are naked pictures of her. Needless to say I was livid! I am hurt sooo much by this. She is a very attractive girl and the thought of him looking at her naked body annoys me to no bitter extent. We've discussed it and he says he understands but he is still doing them. He says he does not look at them in 'that way'. He just skips over the 'crotch shots' and looks for shoulders and face. Somehow I cannot believe that, I feel so strongly that this isnt right. Am I being bitten by the green eyed monster of jealousy??

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And he is just going along and "doing his thing" (re-touching naked photos of HER) without any regard to your feelings, to me it seems. I wouldn't have it.
I have had a similar situation with my now beloved S/O. A very attractive MARRIED co-worker of ours was HOT on my man's trail, but he began to ignore her as we became an item, so she gave up. If I found any evidence now that he was encouraging her attention again, I'd be quite upset.
But that's just me! Good luck with everything.
1 - Do you agree that he has the professional talent and capabilities to re-touch photographs?
2 - Do you believe that he can gain income through this talent?
3 - Would you have the same feelings if the pictures were from a total stranger or a model in which you have had no previous contact?
A person that re-touches/re-finishes photographs would have to take the same approach as a gynocologist. There is a function to be performed without any emotional attachment. If you can not accept this statement freely, then you likely do have a jealousy issue that will manifest itself repeatedly given his talent. If you are not prepared to deal with that root issue, then it would be best for you to break-up and move on as you will always wonder.
I think it is critically important to seperate the issue, the people and the emotion when dealing with conflict. Facts must be considered when making decisions not just emotions. He knows that you do not like the current situation and he is trying to demonstrate he has a professional outlook on this.
Your phrase of: "respecting his SO's feelings and the boundaries of his relationship" really means - Do it her way and her way only - which also means she will ultimately want significant control in this issue.
It goes right back to broadening your thinking, discussing the REAL issue at hand based on facts not just emotions. If the OP doesn't trust him, then that is a totally different set of issues. Its not like the woman in question is going to be right beside him while he re-touches the photos.
Can't agree with ya buddy. He can take his professionalism and apply it elsewhere. His S/O feelings should be his #1 concern, and they are not. WRONG!!!!!
Feelings are a result of situations and choices. They are rarely aligned to fact. Get the real facts then make the effective decision. Until the OP can answer the 3 questions I asked in the first reply we will not know the true facts.
Attempting to control situations based solely on emotions can easily lead to manipulation. If her "feelings" need to be the ultimate authority in how decisions are made then that is a much bigger issue.
Also, be careful with the requests because he will and does feel controlled right now. this isn't a good thing.
honestly, if you trust your boyfriend this will not be an issue going forward. trust is tested alot throughout relationships. this is one of those times... try to remember how much you love him/vice versa.
Edited 4/13/2004 6:18 pm ET ET by zurah
I say no, hell no, you are not jealous. Jenn1717
this is straight disrespect from your man to you,
this is disrespect from HER to you and your man.
she knows you have a relationship with him,
and she WANTS him to see her naked a$$... LOL ....
oh well......
i let my male friend read this and he said...
broaden her thinking for his talent... yea right..
and "Pimpin' ain't easy" .
take care
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