Am I just being jealous??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Am I just being jealous??
13
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 12:34pm
I've been dating this guy for just over 2 yrs now. Last year he used to go for walks with this married girl we work with for exercise. I guess I had a problem with her then because I didnt trust her, he and I were always finding that her stories didnt match up or she lied about somethings. When we became more serious, he stopped taking walks with her. Recently she has stopped working with us and has been doing some modeling on the side. My guy has a certificate in photography and likes to re-finish pictures etc...we'll here's the problem: A couple of weeks ago he came to me and told me that he agreed to re-finish these pictures and it turns out that they are naked pictures of her. Needless to say I was livid! I am hurt sooo much by this. She is a very attractive girl and the thought of him looking at her naked body annoys me to no bitter extent. We've discussed it and he says he understands but he is still doing them. He says he does not look at them in 'that way'. He just skips over the 'crotch shots' and looks for shoulders and face. Somehow I cannot believe that, I feel so strongly that this isnt right. Am I being bitten by the green eyed monster of jealousy??

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 10:01am
Another man's viewpoint: Why did he stop taking walks with her when he became serious with you? If they were strictly platonic walks with a co-worker that wouldn't have been necessary. So, if he felt he could no longer take a walk with her, he shouldn't be accepting nude photos of her for ANY reason. Although it is possible for a man to be a photo retoucher and work on nude pictures in a purely professional way, I don't think this is one of those cases, based on their shared past.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 11:33am
I can't speak for the OP, but if I were in this situation what would bother me primarily is who is in the pictures. I get the sense that the married ex-coworker is a troublemaker, just my gut feeling. The OP said she doesn't trust her and that she lies. Now she is giving naked pictures of herself to a former co-worker? Sure, maybe she's hoping he'll cut her a deal, but still, I can't imagine giving naked photos of myself to a former co-worker. Something smells. The OP's bf may think this is all innocent, but I have my doubts about the innocence of the former co-worker's intentions.

I agree with you that it is wise to look at the facts behind the feelings, but I don't think that facts are all that matter. I think part of being in a relationship is respecting each others' feelings and trying to understand them. I don't think that showing respect for another person's feelings means that he/she is going to start manipulating you with those emotions. I think that emotionally manipulative people will always find a way to manipulate others. I don't think that is a reason to disregard feelings.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 9:17pm
Hi Everyone,

I was very suprised by the whole discussion. I imagine many people felt as strongly as I did reading my little story. One thing I must specify is that the co-worker in question has NO idea that he has a girlfriend (me). He and I have kept our relationship under wraps for 2 years from people we work with. Even though the co-worker doesnt work with us anymore..she still has a sister that works with us and because we KNOW this co-worker cannot keep her mouth shut...we never said anything to her. SO, I know I cant get mad at her..cause as far as she knows...he's single.

HOWEVER, I still feel that a married woman sending naked pics to a guy friend is WRONG! I have managed to separate my past feelings about her and realized that if he wanted to re-touch naked pics of someone I dont know..It wouldnt bother me but the fact that it's someone I know...bothers me.

He and I discussed it last night and he didnt have a response. He didnt know what to say about it. I just explained how it hurt me and how I didnt understand why he's doing it after he found out she was naked. He just said that its 'art stuff' and to be honest I do believe him. He is very talented with photography and he has been re-touching photos in classes and stuff. He re-assured me that it will be over soon and that he has no interest in looking at her chest. He kept asking me what he can to do prove it to me...than I felt sheepish. I told him I felt as though he was choosing her over me..he replied with a firm NO.

I think maybe I am blowing this out of proportion. He guarenteed me that he will be keeping the head shots and giving the rest back when he is finished...which is soon. I do trust him because he was hurt very badly by a cheating ex, and I KNOW he would never do anything like that to me. BUT, I still cannot help being pissed off about it...I have alot of anger that comes out when we try to discuss it. :(

I thank you all for your great reply's and I hope he and I will be able to get through this rationally. I really wouldnt want to break up with him over such a petty thing. But, just to let everyone know who thinks I should drop him....IF I EVER, EVER FIND OUT HE STILL DOES PICS FOR HER OR STILL HAS COPIES OF THESE PICS....well..I'm sure you all can just imagine what I will do to him!

Pages