am I just his rebounder?
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| Mon, 03-06-2006 - 7:39pm |
I met this really great guy on-line. Our first date was short and sweet. He called me a lot after. Our second date was an all day hike and we had a lot of fun. On our 3rd date we went all the way, sexually speaking. We are still "seeing" eachother pretty regularly...about once a week since he lives over an hour away. We talk on IM a lot too. This has been going on for about 2 months.
My dilemma is that I think he may be emotionally unavailable and I am worried that I'm wasting my time. He just recently broke up with a long time gf who broke his heart big and bad. He says she was his best friend. There is still a lot of drama around it and I can tell that he is still in love with her. I have been very patient and understanding and have given him a lot of space. But the more time I spend with him the more feelings I develop. After his last episode of what I can only call "processing" his break-up I told him I thought we should resume things when he is not so much on the rebound. He said he likes me a lot and he really enjoys our time together AND he said he felt he couldn't commit to anyone right now, not until he is in a place of "sureness of trust that he's not sure that he can even get to". I appreciate his honesty but wonder at this point if we are just friends with benefits and if I should continue seeing him in hopes that he finally gets over her. Or am I just a nice distraction for him to help him feel less pain from his loss?

Trust me I seem to attract those men who are distracted from a previously ended relationship and YES you are the rebound girl. If he is talking and "processing" the old relationship with you he isn't ready for a real relationship with you. I would highly recommend you stop sleeping with him and if you want to be his friend so be it but do not expect anything from him as far as a real relationship is concerned.
Men that are recently separated strongly desire a woman who will make them feel sexy even if they aren't ready for a relationship. Don't be that woman who builds him up and he ultimately finds a real realtionship with someone else down the line. Happens all the time.
Protect yourself.
F
It sounds like he is trying to be honest with you and you have just been seeing each other a relatively short time. So do what feels comfortable for you - if that means pulling away, at least sexually, until you feel there is more of a real connection between you, then do that. Sex can cloud everything as you know and create a sense of false intimacy and longings
If he's still in love with her then it sounds like it will be a while til he's emotionally free to fall in love again. the longer you see him the more enmeshed you will be emotionally so you might be better off cutting it off now and telling him to call when he is more "available".
If seeing him platonically is impossible (it's easy to start out saying you won't sleep together) and the idea of friends with benefits painful, then perhaps cutting ties at least for now might be your wisest course.
Listen to your heart, talk to him a bit, talk to trusted people in your life. Good luck