Am I making a big deal over nothing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Am I making a big deal over nothing?
14
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 7:50pm

Hi everyone,


I have been dating my current boyfriend for about 9 months. I'm 23, he's 30. Definitely the largest age gap between any other guy I've dated in the past.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 9:16am

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yes. He can love you dearly but not want to bring you home to meet the fam just yet - for any number of reasons that has nothing to do with you or his feelings for you.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 12:21pm

I can certainly see why you would be dissapointed in not being invited. He is your BF and you want to be with him for the holidays whether he is with his family or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 12:37pm

If you're feeling slighted, then why not ask him what's going on? Really, the only way to get to the bottom of this is to talk to him about it. And if you don't feel comfortable enough

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 12:51pm

I agree with Toni on this one...9 months is just a drop in the bucket for a relationship, he hasn't seen his family in a year, maybe he wants to see them without having to worry about bringing someone new into the picture, just because your are ready for him to meet your family doesn't mean he thinks the same as you.

Have you ever heard the phrase..."absence make the heart grow fonder" ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2007
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 12:52pm

Hi Sweety,


I think your NOT making this a sensitive situation. Even though he volunteered to tell you about his other girlfriend coming to visit his family, you didnt ask,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 10:05pm

Here's the thing that I failed to mention earlier, that will probably make me look really bad at the moment...He never came right out and said that his past gf went home with him for Christmas. I do know that she went home with him when they were dating during the summer once. But, as for Christmas, I don't know. I happened to see a picture of them awhile back and it was dated December 2005. I figured that he went home to NY for Christmas every year and that she was with him in NY, then. He's brought up recently that in the past he hasn't gone home to NY every year...so he could have very well been with her family in that picture, right here, in MN.


However, the fact still remains that he did bring his previous gf home with him to NY at some point when they were dating, but oh well.


Another part of me wonders if he hasn't or won't ask me because he wants to make sure that if he introduces me to his family, that it is the "real" thing. I say this because when we first started dating I got the feeling that he had been hurt in a previous relationship. I come to find out later on, that he believes that his previous gf did cheat on him, even though he didn't have actual proof. So, maybe he has issues that if he introduces me to his family and go through all of that like he did with the previous one and him and I don't work out, he'll think it's a waste? I'm just not sure.


Regardless, I don't think I have the right to ask him, "How come you took your previous gf home at some point to NY but not me?" I figure if he wants to ask me, he will. Maybe he will ask me to go home with him the next time to NY that isn't around Christmas...maybe Christmas is a time with him to just be with his family...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Thu, 11-22-2007 - 11:26am
I am not sure if you read my post above, but I would like to suggest that you put the ex girlfriend out of your mind in regards to this situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2006
Fri, 11-23-2007 - 9:09pm
I just glanced through the posts, but your situation reminded me of one of my own.
Men ARE from Mars. He might have it in his head that you would not want to go.
Therefore, I think you have been dating long enough, that you should comfortably come out and say "I would like to go with you", and if he says "I am not ready", say "fine, some other time".
Just my 2 cents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2007
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 7:12pm
I'm sure you meant this for the OP but it came to my email instead.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 7:50pm

Ok, so ... you made an assumption. That you passed on to us as fact.

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