am i obsessed or terribly heartbroken?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
am i obsessed or terribly heartbroken?
5
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 1:17pm
met this guy about 2 years ago and we hit it off well. he's 2 years younger than me (im 19 currently). for about a year, we had been fooling around doing everything you could think of and in august of 2003, we finally had sex with each other (we were each other's 1st). because i built such a strong attraction to him mentally due to the fact that we behaved like a couple wherever we went, i told him we couldn't fool around anymore becuase i didn't want to get hurt if he ever told me he's interested in another girl (he never showed any interest in me in a relationship way) in december, we stopped talking to each other- he decided we should go our separate ways. it took me awhile and a hell of a lot of crying to get over this fact but eventually i did. in march of 2004, i called him and spoke to him about what happened in december because unfortunaely it was still bothering me and we cleared the air-or so i thought.

recently, i found myself thinking relentlessly about and mimicing the times when we fooled around and had sex and i cannot seem to get it out of my mind. i think about it everyday. since the time we had sex in august, 2003, i have been involuntarly celibate and i've been sexually deprived for 1 year now ( no sexual contact, no relationships, no dating...nothing). i want to forget about him entirely but i can't seem to do this. i think i may be going crazy but i also think that if i had sex with someone else, i wouldn't be feeling how i feel and i wouldn't be thinking of times when we had sex a year and 3 months ago. i know he most likely moved on and is now in a relationship so i would like to do the same. i don't know why i can't just live my life and forget about him. i thought i loved him but i know it was strictly lust. he was my 1st "relationship"

how can i free myself fom the trap that i've been in for more than one year before i got completely mental

hipjaz

Just do it and done!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 5:29pm
You seem obssessed but most of all fearfull of never feeling the same with another man. You chose to be celibate and dateless for this time and you're choosing to remain in a "prison" of your own memories. This relationship was good when it happened but life is about changes. It came to an end by mutual agreement so let it be. He moved on and you should do the same. Remeber your first love but live the rest of your life. In a few years or when you're older you'll regret missing time because of your "prison of memories".
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 6:33pm
Having sex with another person won't help... it didn't help me when I was in a similar situation. There's something about this guy that has you infatuated and it may help you to try to get to the bottom of it. Ask yourself the right questions and you'll get the right answers. What is it about this guy that keeps you thinking of him? What is it in yourself that keeps you attracted to him even though you know it doesn't have a future? Think of those sort of questions and you may come up with the answer that will set you free from this...

Start dating other people but don't jump into bed hoping to get rid of the memories of him. Face the memories and they'll have less power over you.

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 9:22am
i don't think i choose to be celibate. in involuntairly celibate. i would do anything to have sexual contact right now and as for dating, i find that guys aren't interested in me. im never approached or glanced at. when i do approach a guy, he's taken or not interesed or gay (believe me, it has happened). im a very outgoing person and im super nice and giving and not too bad looking but im ovbiously missing something. i not too sure and i think the guy i speak about is lying but, i think he told me that we should go our separate ways becuause i told him i wasn't going to have sex with him anymore, especially since he told me he was changing in live and some of his friends fell by the way side but when i asked, i was the only friend he dropped. it wasn't so much mutual than it was forceably acceptable. he told me that we should go our separate ways. i agreed, not thinking about the the situation but, now it still hurts. i try not to regret my decision to protect my feelings by telling him the sex stops but its's sad that a wise decision like that ruined what we had. i need a way to break out of my cell but i don't know what to do. im acting and i feel like a fool to continue thinking about someone who obvously doesn't give a damn about me but i can't help it.

Just do it and done!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 9:31am
what happens after you ask yourself all of those questions, get all of the answers you need, realize this guy wasn't good for your well-being, feel good that you got him off your mind and that you know he was wrong for you but then weeks later, he starts to make an appearence in your thoughts again and that leads you back to square one where you desperately miss him?

i know if i dated and focused my attenion on meeting new people i may not be in this situation but it's hard for me to meet people. before the guy i speak about, there was nobody-no dates, no guy interested in me, just a bunch of guys i was interested in who eventually disappointed me. then april 2002, the guy i speak about came along and i felt on top of the world because he was interested in me( or so i thought) and i was in a "relationship" to my standings. after we stopped talking in dec 2003 and until now, there has been nobody. i've gone back to the times before the guy. guys aren't interested in me for some unknown reason. i have a lot to offer mentally, physically and emotionally but im obviously lacking something.

i think there is a hidden link that is keeping me in this situation but i cannot seem to find it.

Just do it and done!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 12:02am
The link is you. Something about this relationship provides you with something you can't find elsewhere. What is it?

The fact that you haven't had other guys approach doesn't surprise me--you may be putting off a certain vibe. And that's ok. Take some time for yourself, figure things out and get back into the game when you're ready.