Am I officially CRAZY, OBSESSED or what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Am I officially CRAZY, OBSESSED or what?
2
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 1:36pm

*sorry but this post is really long* i have this issue and i need bonafied professional or really smart advice. i ended an on and off relationship I had with this guy in july (it's been exactly 4 months and 30 days (tomorrow will be 5 months)). we were on and off for over a year. at the beginning things were great but because i had trust issues with guys in general, i always thought they would hurt me and leave me and i would push it to that level with my negativity that we would stop thus proving to myself that i was right and i just protected myslef. i kind of initiated what would end up being 1 year of trials and tribulations...i ended up saying some HORRIBLE things at the wrong time. point blank, he broke up with his g/f of 3 years who cheated on him and began to like me and was happy that he found someone he thought would respect and appreciate him the way he did to me until i blasted him out of the water and pretty much, took his heart, stomped on it, poured acid on it and put it back into his chest upside down because i thought he was going to hurt me....we stopped talkinf for 4 months until i contacted him again.

from that point things were rocky. when things were good they were great, when they were bad, it was a nightmare. i always felt that he treated me bad until i ended it with him and was watching relationship shows on tv and they said one of the major reasons girls aren't happy in relationships or feel that their guy is trying to control them is because he isn't following HER rules per se, not that he's a bad person. i guess that would apply to me and yes, i did make things hard now seeing it

so the point is...it's been 4 months, 30 days...i cannot for the life of my stop thinking about this boy. having him in my life was nice but a challenge and not having him in my life is really hard. i dream about him nightly, recently i've dreampt about him about 2-3 times a week for the past 2 months. these dreams consist of things like us working stuff out, me seeing that he moved on and hurting so much, me confronting him on what went wrong with us, us on good terms enjoying each others company etc

what i really want is for him to want me...for him to contact me and tell me that he misses me and wants to make this work and is committd to doing so. he's convinced that i will try to come back to him again and because he said this...and he's right, there is no way i'll contact him and make myself appear needy for him.

i also don't want to try to contact him and have him put me in my place because he has moved on, has a new girl or thinks i bring him too much heartache and headache and tell me that i'm obsessed about him and that i'm a stalker or a psychopath that cannot put the past behind me. i don't know about him but i really really liked and still have feelings for him. he was what i wanted in a guy but sometimes im not sure if i really want him back in my life because he would be all that i would think of. what i wuld like is to have him back in my life but have things completely different.

i haven't dated anyone since him, not because i choose not to but because it's hard for me to find guys and it's almost like i make excuses as to why no guy is good for me now, excuses such as his shoes are dirty, his voice is too deep, he sleeps in class...stupidity like that, the only guy for me is him. i stupidly ended up hooking up with his guy in august that i barely knew and did not have feelings for with the intention that the sex and being with a new guy will help me get over my ex but that didn't work and i just felt disgusting afterwards.

do you think i'm crazy or obsessed with him? maybe this is a sign that we should be together (me thinking about him)? maybe he's feeling what i'm feeling but doesn't want to make the 1st move or maybe he has really moved on, has a new gf and i'll just look like a needy desperate obsessed person who can't part with the past. it's hard to because i know of people who went through tough times with their partner, ended it for awhile, got back together later in the future and have been happy since and i also know people who have tried to contact their ex, found out he has moved on with some other girl and looked completey stupid for contacting them.

what should i do??? i need to either be with him or get over him completely i.e no more dreams, no more thoughts, nothing. i've prayed for an answer but haven't gotten anything, usually i know what to do but now i'm completey confused...it would be so muh easier if he just contacted me
if you think i should try for him again, how should i go about it?
if you think i should move on, how should i do it?

Just do it and done!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 5:37pm
I was like you are with my last BF. It's just not good to be obsessed with someone. But, let me ask you something. Do you really LOVE him? Can you see him and you together at 70 with your dentures in a glass eatting pudding across the table from each other? Don't laugh, that's a good way to assess whether it's REAL love or just an obsession. See you're probably just in Love with the thought of how you think he is and not actually looking at what he really is. That's what I did with my Ex. I thought he was the ONE, come to find out, he's really not. You need something to occupy your mind girl and don't even think about contacting him. If he loves you he won't play games with your heart by not contacting you. If he doesn't contact you, then he's moved on. Don't keep subjecting yourself to this torture, take up crochet or something, crafts, stripping, anything to get your mind off of him. I think you'll find that it's really not as hard as you thought to stop obsessing when you can fill your heart and head with other thoughts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 8:51pm

i know you are completely right. i don't love him because we haven't been together for a long time...i really really like him and i think i can see myself with him forever, but then again, thats kind of hard to say because there is so much more we could learn about each other. i know we could live a happy life together because we have what each other is looking for. i was the one who ended it with him because i needed a break from the confusion and drama and the next day he tried to talk to me again and i completely ignored him. i also think that he tried to call me under private caller a month later but chickened out. i just can't see anything negative about us talking to each other...this may be because i'm blinded by my thoughts of us being happy that i can't see the opposite side.
do you think i might have nothing to lose if i see if he's still interested in us talking even as friends? at least i could put this situation to an end by his reply. my brother thinks it's better to know than to not know and wonder....maybe he has as much pride as i do and doesn't want to contact me for fear of being seen as desperate, as i stopped talking to him.

i seriously think we jumped into the relationship really soon (we were pretty much together after knowing each other for 3 months) and expected all this stuff from each other and tried to make a cake without knowing the amount and type of ingredients needed 1st (tried to make a relationship without really knowing each other 1st). we need to backtrack and get to know each other more and for this reason, i want to start off as friends and only friends, no more and take it from there.

Just do it and done!!