Am I The Only One In His Life?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
Am I The Only One In His Life?
30
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 10:55pm
Oh no! I posted a discussion Need Insight on 10/5. Well it's 10/6 and I was messing around on the computer and I went to this random dating site and the guy I have been seeing has an active profile. I was not looking to find a date. I sometimes browse when I am bored out of my mind. When I saw his picture it felt like someone punched me in the stomach and then i laughed. We have not discussed what we are, but he does know how I FEEL about him. WHAT SHOULD I DO? My first thought was to join that dating web site and let him find my profile to see how it feels, after thinking about it. It seemed like a bad, bad idea. In a way he is not doing anything wrong because we are not boyfriend and girlfriend. What do you think and what should i do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 8:51am
If you aren't boyfriend and girlfriend then he has a right to have his profile up on a dating site. If that situation changes then you have a right to voice your concerns.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 9:21am
Seems like you already know the answer to this question and you just had a little moment of panic?!? Chill. Wait and see what develops and cross the bridge when you come to it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2004
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 1:35pm
Funny - I really understanding where your coming from - I am in the same situation - I am not on a dating site but the guy I have been seeing for two months is my only diff from you is that we dated once before - I just honsetly believe that they already have a good thing and they are just men and not so bright- they keep thinking that - there might be someone better (keeping options open) but there dumb butts don't think that they might already have the right person and they might end up the rest of there life single if they keep thinking that there is someone better - by the time they figure out that there is not it will be too late
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 1:49pm

How long have you been seeing him? Since there's no exclusivity, he's not doing anything "wrong" by having his profile on a dating site. I think you're jumping the gun.

BTW, I read your other thread ... did anything come up about the letter you sent to him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 12:05am
Perfect opportunity to find out if he is really cheating!!! I'm 29 and I dont play games but this one I would have to take a stab at and you can have fun doing. If you feel comfortable, sign up for the sight and discuise your profile. Go on the site and make up a fake name etc, make hits on his profile and see if he replys. Ask him if he is seeing anyone or if he is exclusive with her. Find out if he lies about you or if he is honestly a good guy just looking for conversation. If he is not, arrange to meet him and then when you show up, you will blow his cover. YOU'VE GOT MAIL!!! Hope I helped.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 12:48pm

If you post a profile for him to find, you are effectively doing the same thing that you are upset about. Don't imitate behavior you don't appreciate. Playing games will bring on more games, that's not something you want to do.


Personally, if it is something that is really irking you, I would bring it up to him in a non-threatening manner. Let him know that you were browsing the site out of boredom and came upon his profile... See if he'll talk about it. If he doesn't, then don't be too aggressive about it. But if he does, listen to what he has to say and trust your instincts. Since you have not agreed to being exclusive, there is not much you can do as hard as that is.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 6:54pm
I am embarrassed to admit I set up a false profile and he did not bite. I regret it. If he would have emailed me that he ws interested, I would have went to go meet him. I guess it is good that he did not bite, because I sent him a wink to let him know I was interested.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 6:59pm
I understand the urge or desire to do it, but just be careful... playing games has a bad way of biting us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2005
Sat, 10-08-2005 - 7:41pm
Oh yeah. After i created my fake profile and winked at him only once. I was so worried that would figure out it was me and if he did figure it out he would never talk to me again. I was sick to my stomach for a few day because I was so worried. i will not be doing that again. :) You know if he decides that he wants to be exclusive with me, he would (hopefully) stop using his personal ad.:)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 7:40am
This post sums up the main problem with meeting guys on dating sites; not that they are players per se but that, just because they show interest in you, does not mean they are also not showing interest in others and not still looking. I prefer to meet men on chat which is more casual and where there is no pre-set agenda i.e. looking for dates. And the risk of running into a man who just wants sex will be there no matter whether you meet him on chat or on a dating site. Dating sites tend to be more meat market than chats in my experience since the guys set out with a shopping list of requirements before they even meet the woman.

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