am i over-reacting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
am i over-reacting?
6
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 11:37am
Ive been dating my man for over 6 months and things are going very well. Except for one thing: He goes to bars and clubs pretty often with his friends. It doesn’t interfere at all with us seeing each other but it annoys me anyway. When he comes homes he tells me what happened, who he talked to and what was said but I still feel insecure about it becuz he’s chatting up girls while he’s there. He insists its completely harmless, that he and his friends just try out bad lines on girls just to make each other laugh and it doesn’t go any further than talking at the club which I believe. But I still feel bad about this. Is this normal guy behaviour?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 1:09pm
I seen some guys have contests as to who could come up with a bad line and still "pick up the girl", but I have to wonder when it ends. Suppose the girl does fall for his "bad line" and the contest continues. Next thing, his friends would cheer him on to go farther into the contest and could encourage him to go further with this. Then it's hard to end the game and then what happens? Would he tell the guys "okay I'm done playing this game and I have a gf at home, so let's end this now?" Highly unlikey. And what would he say to the girl? "I'm sorry, but my buddies and I were in this contest to see who could pick up a girl first, but you see... I have a gf and I can't give you my number". That's unlikey too. I know I am talking in "worst case scenarios", here. But what I'm saying is very possible. I also have to question the maturity level of this chap. Does he ever invite you to the clubs? How does he treat you when you do accompany him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 2:44pm

I think ginger is making a bigger deal out of it than it likely is (sorry, no offense meant). If you trust and love this guy, you have to trust him to do the right thing and that when he says he only chats with these women that is all he's doing. Jealousy is usually not an attractive trait. Yes, it is normal behavior for a guy to go out to bars with his friends and even to chat with other women. You can't keep him chained to you all the time nor prevent him from talking to other women ever. If he loves you and shows you in every other way that you can trust him, give him the benefit of the doubt.

I think it is healthy that a couple can go out with their friends and not have to spend every waking moment with each other. It's fun when you can go out with each other's friends from time to time, but most guys like to go out with their friends and be "women free" every once in a while so they can do guy things without some girl making comments or faces (admit it, we do it). I don't think he's immature but rather just being a guy. On the nights he goes out with his friends, make sure you have activities of your own.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 3:01pm

So your boyfriend is going out and chatting it up with other women. Something tells me he is neglecting to tell these ladies that he has a girlfriend. Yes, I would be upset if I were you.

Are you sure this is the man for you? Because the last thing I would want is for my guy to spend his spare time making the moves on women in bars. But this might be perfectly okay with some people.

Men CAN go to bars and have fun with their buddies, but they don't necessarily need to be hitting on women while they are there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2006
Sat, 03-11-2006 - 10:33pm

I don't know your boyfriend, but if in every other aspect he is great and trustworthy, I would let him go out and have fun (as along as he doesn't hit on other girls and take interest in them). If in his everyday actions, he shows that he loves you and is faithful and happy, don't start becoming paranoid. If you wanted to go out and hang out with your girlfriends, wouldn't you like him to do the same for you? If my boyfriend was jealous and doubtful all the time when I went out just to go clubbing w/ the girls on girls night out, I would feel a bit suffocated to be honest. You guys both have to trust each other. Hey, your generosity will make him see how cool you are, and he might even brag about you to his friends (or the girls at the bar)!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 6:21pm
Hi Peachy, thanks for your reply! I agree with you and am very pro-spending time apart and having a fun social life thats separate from your S.O....makes for a healthier relationship in the long run and i think it also helps you appreciate the person your with. But while I want the guy I'm dating to go out with his friends and have fun doing all the male-bonding stuff I don't think him acting as if he's single/hitting on women/trying out come-on lines should be a part of that...which is why I ultimately had to end things with my boyfriend :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 7:21pm

<<>>

Yeah, I agree here. My bf goes out with his buddies all the time, most of them are either married or in a relationship and they go out to have a good time, not to hit on women or try to use stupid lines on them. I don't know how old your SO is, but I think it is silly that him and his friends go out and use these lines on women, I think that is a very strange idea of a good time.