Am i overeacting or should I react more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2004
Am i overeacting or should I react more?
4
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 2:48am
Hello, Me and my boyfriend have been dating for two years. We both moved to California from Texas a year ago and have been living together since the move. Recently acting upon suspicion ( we share a computer and when I was on his screen name a shady sight popped up ) . I looked up the singles sight I suspected and saw a profile that he had put there. Basically it was extremely detailed and explicit sexually and what he was looking for and stressed that he was going to be back in Texas in december when i was taking a trip to london. I am extremely hurt and was destroyed for a day or two. We have been communicating but I wonder if this is something I am going to have to always worry about. Can i trust him? There has been some shady things in the past. He used to live with a roomate that constantly cheated on his girlfriend and no doubt would have condoned my boyfriend too as well. I really love him and he stresses that he does at well. He claims he never would have acted on it, it was just because I didn't let himself be a "guy" and look at porn and talk about guy stuff, it was more about what kind of responses he could get . We have a six year age difference, I am 20 he is 26. I just am confused and I really need some advice.

thanks...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 5:58am
It sounds as though he is offering you an excuse since he got caught. If he was on there creating a personal ad, why could he not just have been on there looking at porn behind your back? It sounds like he is looking for a way out or at least a way to get more. I wonder what would happen if somebody like your self who knows exactly what he's into were to respond to the ad. Would he send "you" an email looking to hook up?

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Thu, 11-11-2004 - 9:26am
"He claims he never would have acted on it, it was just because I didn't let himself be a "guy" and look at porn and talk about guy stuff"


Are you *listening* to what he is saying???? He is saying "I did something wrong, and it's not my fault, it's yours." HELLO! This is crap! If he had a problem or needed something different, or whatever, the answer is NOT to go behind your back and do absolutely inappropriate things online, but instead to TALK to you.

"I wonder if this is something I am going to have to always worry about."

I bet you will. He has shown that he is willing to do something that I'm sure he knows is wrong, without really any remorse, and tries to pin the blame on YOU. Don't LET him get away with that!

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 11:22pm
I agree with this earlier email.

You are 20 and he is 26. he is old enough to know the value of a relationship and you are too young to be living with him and being cheated upon whether he gets to act on it or not : he has posted an ad and would have been checking the email and fantasizing and this is cheating... not sharing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 11:53pm
You should react more. This is unacceptable behavior and don't let him tell you otherwise. I would get on the site and respond to his ad and see how far he will go. Better to know the truth now.