Am I overreacting?
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| Mon, 11-13-2006 - 3:27am |
The man I've been involved with for about five months has been on an extended business trip for four out of those months and his business commitment is scheduled to last until the end of the year. For the most part, he's made an effort to come out to see "me" just about every weekend since he's been living elsewhere. I finally flew to see him about a month ago, two weeks later he came home again, but I barely saw him and he was aloof for most of the time. He has mentioend being in arut lately. We barely communicated in the past two weeks since, and twenty-four hours prior to the occassion, he casually mentioned in an email that his ex-girlfriend was flying out for the weekend. I knew about her existence; I knew they remained friends and lived in the same neighboorhood in our hometown, but I thought they barely communicated. He never mentioned talking to her. When I pointed out that it was a curious thing, he wrote that he wanted to be "upfront with me." Friends have come to visit him in the past and possibly over this weekend as well.
He lives in a furnished studio where the "friend" stayed with him this past weekend. He had to drive two hours to pick her up from the airport. The had plans of exploring the new city he's getting to know. If I were involved with someone, assuming I remained friends with some of my exes too, it wouldn't occur to me to invite them to stay the weekend with me so I can play an excellent hostess, and possibly because i'm bored out of my mind, or because I am craving a piece of home nearer. Boredom is not a legitimate excuse in my opinion to invite a friend of controversial background to help him cope. When I told him I didn't approve, he had no comment -- he didn't try to defend himself. Is this a valid cause for a breakup? My priciples dictate to "let him go." He can't be that daft!

I'd let him go too. Somthing isn't right and he is being way too nice to the exgirlfriend for my tastes.
He's dating the exgirlfriend.
My reaction, that something has gone into disarray, that something besides difficult times was at stake, was entirely instinctive. I often overreact or defend my principles to the bone in matters of romantic character. Noramlly, I don't jump at the chance to give people second and third chances. In my world, if you disgress once (the gravity of the offense is weighed not by what society dictates, but by my levels of sensitivity in a given situation)This time around I wanted to keep the accusations to a minimum, to give the person a chance to speak. He was so honest with me always, exposing more about what he did, with whom, and how he felt about it before, during and after. It was so easy. I for a moment thought, he's not holding grudges against me, he isn't trying to anger me. People do this somewhere and healthly: they have mature platonic relationships with their ex-lovers. Perhaps I'm overlooking something, perhaps I should be more understanding, more stupid, and play a cool g/f -- but nothing about the past weekend with miss ex-g/f is right.
Cowards are known to hide from confrontational situations...
thanks for taking the time to reply
Edited 11/13/2006 1:39 pm ET by dumberu
Edited 11/13/2006 1:41 pm ET by dumberu
LADY IF YOU DID THAT TO HIM HOW WOULD HE FEEL ???? HE WOULDNT FEEL ALL SOFT AND GOOWEY ON THE INSIDE EITHER.
ARE YOU SUPPOSE TO SIT AROUND AND ACCEPT THIS BEHAVIOR? NO
THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE DONT LET HIM MAKE THE CHOICE
HOPEFULLY YOU MAD IT ALREADY
I DARE HE NOT TAKE YOUR FEELINGS INTO CONSIDERATION
THAT SHOWS SO MUCH DISRESPECT IM MAD FOR YOU
SOMETHANG AINT RIGHT AND I FEEL YOU ON IT
DONT KEEP QUESTIONING YOUR SELF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU GOTTA DO
SO DO IT
Yup, he dropped the ball like a quintessential coward.
Time to put this disagreeable thing to rest, time to close this chapter!
let it go
thats a mess waiting for a wreck
ah, yes, downspiraling
Real-time update, "I'm not sure if you wanted details of my weekend or not, but I had a nice time." The degree of daftness is sinful, here, here. spineless hypocrite- a damn jellyfish, that boy! Wow *takes a deep breath* ! thanks for the push!
Edited 11/13/2006 3:30 pm ET by dumberu
I agree with you that you should let him go.
Even assuming that she is *just* a friend, in your opinion (and in mine), it's inappropriate for her to visit. He disagrees and tries to make you feel wrong.
Rather than trying to get him to change his mind and see your way, you're doing the right thing and breaking it off.
I'm sorry it's come to this, but good for you for listening to your instincts and standing by what you believe in.