am i overreacting? ex returned to my lif
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| Wed, 08-23-2006 - 8:45am |
once again i returned to my ex. the guy i have ups & downs with already 4+yrs. each time i left i would get frustrated w distance relationship we had, lack of communication and of how distant he would get at times so i would turn my back and leave trying to build my life without him. but 3 times i left and 3 times i returned..because he would continue to write wanting me back..and coz i still loved him
recently we restarted again on 1st july. he promised to start job search in the city i live in. proposed to travel to meet - said he missed so much. but for one reason or another it didnt work out. either i had guests from hometown visiting for several weeks, either he had to be elsewhere and couldnt travel.
now finally i called him up yday saying that i can fly over on 1st sept for 5 days. or asking that he comes over - im free for a number of days already and have no more guests so he can stay over. but he refused - he is leaving w a friend on vacation to some islands and then he has weekend out planed so he asked if instead HE can fly over starting 4th sept. i got SOOO frustrated with his reply. Who is the friend he is leaving with? didnt ask but if its a girl...he has weekend out planned and he doesnt want to take me with him so he would rather come over afterwards himself or ask me fly later knowing very well that it will make only 2 days together - after that i got classes starting. plus he said that while he had no reply from my city, he got 2 interviews scheduled in his hometown and their offer is good...
dont know... i've never been jealous but this time i am. he has never gave me reasons to be but now..plus we have been apart for 6 months, i dated someone else, i bet he did as well..why i have so many doubts if im sure i love him and that he is the one? if no matter ups and downs i still love him?
i sent him a letter where i talked openly of my feelings (this is rare with me..). he replied with awesome warm letter. but only 2 weeks later..i was going nuts from his silence while i waited.
he has changed so much in the last years and the pain of numerous separations we had ruined any faith in me. and at the same time i want to stay in his life and i SO MUCH want us to finally live in the same city..
what should i do? how to handle this uncertainty? he asks me for patience but isnt 4years not enough to finally start to live normal healthy relationship??

thank u for ur advice
i did take time off from him (6 months) and i thought a lot. and in fact many times it was me as well who was wrong and treated him bad, and it was me running away from problems and refusing to accept anything that was not 'per my plan'. he's been patient and no matter that still accepted me back each time i understood it and returned.. im not saying he is an angel, he is quite a complex person. but i cant blame it all on him - its me a lot as well. im not good with waiting, not good with uncertainty, no good at all w distance relationship
he asked me back in a huge letter where he said that i was the one for him and that he needs me..and yday when we talked he repeated several times that he is afraid i will fleet again, coz things are not turning out the way i want them to, coz its 2 months that i wait for him to move to paris and he still cant find a job...what frustrates me is that thru the rollercoaster of our relationship we lost regular communication and got more distant, more on alert. especially me - i always expect to be "hit" from him. i so easily get frustrated...
im not trying to justify him..rather want to understand this story and learn to react accordingly
I don't think it's fair to expect him to change his plans just because you had a break in your schedule. With that being said...
After
good question...i dated others during our breaks and always felt that smth was missing - one way or another i was not able to feel the same as i do when i am with him.
what keeps me holding on? everything about him... dont know...
i relaxed several days ago and decided just to trust him and trust that he loves me and to stop freaking out. and oh miracle!!! things got so much better. he relaxed as well and this tention i forced on this relationship with my frequent freak-outs of 'oh, no. i cant do this! im leaving again'. amazing how things change once u change ur response to the situation
i pray that he gets a job in this city and i pray that this time it works out. i tell myself that no guy would accept a girl back after being dumped 3 times. and all this years to continue to tell me that im the one for him no matter what. and that distance can be overcomed. maybe he really does deserve a little more trust than he gets..
u think its silly?