AM I OVERREACTING? HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
AM I OVERREACTING? HELP
2
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 8:33am
My bf and I have only been together for about 6 months, and I get so angry and upset when he wants to hang out with his friend's, which is most weekends, we pretty much only see each other during the week nights due to conflicting schedules. I try to keep it to myself and not get angry with him, because he really is doing nothing wrong. I like most of his friend's, and usually he is just playing video games (although he is 25, they love Ps2). He usually tells me what he is doing so I try not to question him. I don't feel like he is cheating on me, he is very blunt and straight to the point about any and everything so I know he would let me know if something was wrong. But he is a good looking guy, and I am always so scared at what might happen. I know I may be overreacting or insecure, but I don't want to feel this way. I get so upset and sick to my stomach that I can't do anything except think about him. I do go out with my friend's and do my own thing but I can't get my mind off what he is doing, he has never done anything to make me suspect he is cheating either. Please give me some advice on how I can straighten out my feelings and frustrations.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 5:08pm
yes, you are overreacting and i'll tell you why.

one, because you're making your entire existence and happiness revolve around what he's doing, what he's saying, who he's with, and what he might be thinking.

when you are not with him, you are not enjoying your life. that's why you're overreacting.

it seems a bit odd that your boyfriend wouldn't take you out on dates on the weekend, that he'd prefer to be with his friends... however, that being said, it's also irrelevant to whether he's going to cheat on you.

keep in mind: someone who will cheat on you will do it regardless of whether you trust him or not. worrying about it is pointless.

chances are he's not cheating. and even if he did, that's just one big sign to you that he's not the man for you. it's easy that way and it takes the emotions out of it.

so, honey, don't worry yourself over him so much. when you do, you put yourself in a subservient role to him... as if your entire existence is based upon what he's doing.

if you want to see him on the weekends more, tell him. be straight with him and keep your insecurities to yourself. no one likes a clinger or someone who can't function without the other... it's suffocating.

you'll get more mileage out of this guy if you are able to focus more on the good stuff instead of the "possibilities" of bad stuff happening.

the main thing, i think, is not to get yourself into a tizzy over this man. i gather from what you posted that you're young... in your 20's perhaps... and you will find that you will fall in love many times before you find the man you will live with forever.

the key is to be resilient and flexible and know that he is not the only man on Earth.

and HE should also keep in mind that if he doesn't behave like a boyfriend, he may not have you around... because YOU will find someone who is better. so see? you can't lose.

i think that whenever anyone is in "like" with someone, or even "love" there is a certain element of uncertainty... but that uncertainty shouldn't be focused upon or used as a tool to gain power in the relationship.

in other words, be confident in yourself! confidence goes a loooooong way :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2003
Sun, 11-07-2004 - 9:37pm
Hi =) First of all I think it sounds like he wants to be with you yet be single at the same time. Guys in their twenties kind of have this "herd" mentality - if your guy is the only one with a girlfriend chances are the other guys will forget your guy has somebody else to hang out with and assume he'll be with them every weekend soooo until you wake the boy up he'll keep doing it. You don't have to be whiny or rude to him - just tell him you would like to see a movie or something and see if you can't pry him away from the boys for a weekend night out every now and then. OR if that fails buy a PS2 and see if you can't invite the whole herd of boys over so he can have both worlds - you and his boys =)