Am I the problem here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Am I the problem here?
5
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 12:18am
I don't know if there's something wrong with me, but this is the second time this has happened to me in less than 6 months and I'm wondering...

I met my ex-boyfriend about a year ago, everything was great between us and he was really into me. He's the one who pursued me for a good while until I accepted to have a relationship with him. But then, I don't know, once I started to show real interest in him and started to develop feelings for him, suddenly he was not interested in me any more. So long story short, he broke up with me, just like that, with no real reason.

Now, I met this other guy a couple of months ago. He's the one who approached me and asked me out and everything, and he would call me almost every day to go out, see me, etc. At first I was not really interested in him, and this obviously made him even more persistent. Then, as I started to like him and show more interest, suddenly he just stopped calling.

Can you believe these guys??? What's their problem?

Now, I'm thinking maybe I'm the problem, because this has happened to me twice in less than six months! Maybe I should be more careful on showing too much interest or try not to be available all the time, but on the other hand, I'm not that type of person who puts an act or tries to pretend something (in this case, pretend I'm not interested). I don't like to play games. I like to be genuine and sincere, so I'm just being myself. If I like a guy and I want to see him, I show it.

Am I doing wrong? Should I start being more "calculating" and play hard to get or something?

By the way, I'm 25 and I'm just too old to play games.

What do you think? I'd appreciate your opinions!

Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 3:03am
Okay,hi Hanna25 .I can speak from exsperience.One thing you should not do is follow or hang on a men .You have three types of men.One is a mamas boy that follows mommys order even when they are grown.Two is a men that thinks you have to want him to get him,and last is a men who learned from he's mother on how to love a women.You would want a men that was taught how to love,but it seems like you attracted the second men. He want you to chase him around just to make him feel like his a fine men.He may just look like he is fine,but you don't need to let him think that.You is the female in the relationship.You is the one he needs to be chasing.They are like all other men who wants babes swirming all around him.If you want him bad ignore him AND MAKE HIM WANT YOU,but you say your grown then go ignore him and forget him.Your beautiful and can do better then them.You was pretty enought to catch his eyes and you also have time to yourself so take a break to relaxe and love yourself.And believe me out of esperience in my life i've learned praying one time with belief,will find you a perfect fit.............. LIKE ME AND MY HUSBAND.I've been there believe me.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-24-2004 - 10:32am
No, I don't think you're the problem, you just got involved with two guys in a row who were wrong for you. The fact that these two moved on probably has a lot less to do with you reciprocating their interest than the fact that it takes a good 3-6 months to get to know someone well enough to know if they are potentially right for you or not. They probably just decided that you weren't a good match for them. That doesn't mean you're bad or wrong or anything, just that they weren't right for you either!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 3:49pm
I don't believe you are doing anything wrong. These guys seemed to like the thrill of the chase more than the prize. You were once completely unavailable for them and they liked that. Once you started giving them a chance they had won and so they moved on.

You'll find someone worthy of you, don't worry.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 4:46pm

I agree with Sheri...

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 5:37pm
I'm sorry, but its possible you are "doing" something that scares them away. You should try to figure out what it is, if this becomes a pattern in your dating relationships. You don't need to play games to maintain someone's interest, but you do need to set boundaries. Men lose interest in women who are always waiting by the phone, or will call them/email/page them too much, or just seem to eager (overall) to get into the relationship. That is just how a lot of men are, like it or not.