Am I reading too much into it?
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Am I reading too much into it?
| Tue, 02-28-2006 - 3:30pm |
I've been hanging out with this guy for about six to seven months. When we first started hanging out I had just gotten out of a bad relationship and so we discussed things and we both said that we didn't want a relationship. He has become one of my best friends and so much more. I really care about him and I'm beginning to think that I'm falling in love with him. However he is still stands by the fact that he doesn't want a girlfriend. I want him to be happy but at the same time I think he shys away from relationships because his ex-girlfriend hurt him so badly. He won't even tell me that he cares about me. About a week ago a couple of my friends and I were talking and they looked at me and told me that he loved me. They went on to say that he hadn't said it but they can tell by the he talks about me, the way that he looks at me and the way that we are when we're together. I do really care about him and I'm ready to have a boyfriend again. I really want it to be with him but he said that if I want a relationship I shouldn't look to him for it. He has encouraged me to hang out with other guys but when I do he trash talks them and ends up hating them. I realize that this is a very long message but I was wondering if you could give me some advice as to whether or not I should stay with him? I really do care about him and I really want to be with him and I can tell that he cares about me but he won't admitt it. Please help.

I'm sure he DOES care about you, and maybe even loves you...but that *DOES NOT* mean he wants a serious relationship with you (or anyone for that matter). So you should only stay with him if you are truly ok with things the way they are, because they almost certainly will never progress to "more". He has been honest with you about that. So you need to look inside yourself and figure out whether you can accept things as they are; if you can't then you need to move on.
Sheri
Sometimes the reason we get hurt is because we didn't listen to what was being said beforehand... he says he to not look to him for a relationship, yet you're talking about waiting for him? Very dangerous. Your feelings will continue to grow, his won't, you'll be hurt and then be bitter. If a man tells you that he's not the one, listen. Regardless of what others see or what may be possible, the point is--he doesn't want to pursue a relationship.
Please take the advice of the others and save yourself the heartache.
Kerry
The problem here is not what you think or your reasoning behind why you do what you do. The fact that you don't jump into bed with someone unless there's feelings involved is great. However, what you need to keep in mind is that other people do not operate like that. And just because they're jumping into bed with you, does not mean that your same motivations are driving them.
So what to do? If you are falling for him, then I would say chances are you're going to get hurt unless you take immediate action. He's been your support system and I know it's going to be hard, but yes--I would say you need to break off the contact with him and remove yourself from the situation. We have all gone after someone who was unavailable so don't beat yourself up over this. Just learn from it. Back away from him. And stop sleeping with him.
One word of warning... he may follow you. Remember, when a person has a good thing and it's on terms where they don't have to commit, they tend to get upset when that good thing leaves. So he may very well come back, be upset and tell you he cares. Realize that telling you nice things is not mean he wants a relationship now. That's probably the key piece you'll have to keep in mind.
I hope this helps. Let us know what you decide.
Kerry