Am I really in love? Or am I just lonely

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2004
Am I really in love? Or am I just lonely
2
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 9:02am
I've known my boyfriend for about 10 months, first 5 months we were friends. Lately I have been having doubts about my feelings for him. Is this natural? He was the first one to say I love you, and I do care for him deeply. Most of the time I do think I am in love with him, but once in a while I have my doubts. I know that it is too early into the relationship to be stressing out about this, but I feel horrible that I am feeling this way about him knowing he has no doubt about how he feels about me. I do not want to waste both our times....Could I be having these doubts because I am really not in love with him but just want to be with someone? I know there is no sure way to tell, and only I can answer these questions myself, but I am just wondering if anyone else has ever gone through something like this..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 10:41am
I've been through what you are now. I was only feeling friendship for him, but because he was loving me so much, I got carried away by his feelings. I really tried to have feelings for him too, sometimes I thought I have, others don't. This is not love, this is mental and emotional confusion. I think it's not worth to be in a relationship if you're not 100%, it's worth when you feel you really like the other person, and want to be with him, and you feel it all the time, not just sometimes. And I also believe that he also deserves to be with a person that have no doughts about him as well.

Just give it a break, I think it's the best thing to do. If you're with him just because you don't want to be alone, then you have some serious self-esteem problems you have to resolve before beeing with someone. You have to learn to be happy alone before you can be happy wwith another person.

Give a break from the relationship, I think it's the best to do. And talk to him about what you feel, it's better to be honest then do just leave it this way and make him think you are investing seriously in the relationship and you're not. This will hurt him in the long run. Just be honest, with him and with yourself.

Normally, when we start questioning "do I really love him", we're not loving, period.


Edited 7/16/2004 10:44 am ET ET by southbeachgirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 2:12pm
Yes, i went through the very same thing, and while i cared deeply for my former boyfriend, I realized i was not in "love" with him, while he was - very deeply. My parents visited me last fall for a couple of months during which time i did not spend that much time with him - and i realized that while i missed him as a friend, i was not really hurting or pining for him. i also realized, if i were absolutely honest with myself that i was attracted to other guys and would not mind going out with other guys if the opportunity arose. that to me was the litmus test, that i cared for him very deeply but was not in love with him. of course, i was scared of letting him go, since he's by far the best guy i have ever dated, smart, highly intelligent, professional, cultured and worshipped me, but i also realized i would never be able to live with myself if i kept stringing him along just out of loneliness or fear, and i ended it early this year. some weekends are really hard, i miss him so much i want to call him, but again i know that is MY need driving that, not true love for him, and hold myself back.

I think you might want to have an honest talk with your man - take a step back and a short break if necessary to make sure what you really feel for him. good luck, there are no easy decisions, only right ones...and the right ones often hurt much more than the wrong ones! but you will sleep better knowing you did the right thing.