Am I setting myself up for heartach?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Am I setting myself up for heartach?
3
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 10:04pm
Ok, Here it is. My boyfriend and I have been toghether now for 7 months. We have known each other since may of 2003. We dated once and at the time he thought of it differently then I. He was actually just using me for sex at the begining and then grew more feelings for me over time. He was actually engaged at the time and I didn't know it. He told me that the sex was no good and that is why he had cheated on his girl. He said that he wanted to change and start fresh with me after several months of not talking to him. He saw something in me that he didn't see in his last girl. He also has cried for what he did to his other girl in the past and wishes he could have handled things differently. He says that he wishes he would have been a man about it and left her a long time ago, he just didn't have the heart to hurt her. She still to this day does not know everything that went on during their relationship. We he just now came to me today and told me of an inccident that happened today. Apparently a female came on to him and talk to him for about 45 mins and tried to get him to come back to her apartment. The old guy would have gone for her with no questions, but he told me that all he could think about was me and how it would hurt me if he had done something like that, so he told her he had a girlfriend and left the scene. Should I trust him, now after 7 months he is telling me of a girl hitting on him tonight. I know others had to have hit on him in the last 7 months. He has told me on one or two occasions of girls staring at him, but nothing of this sort. Does this mean that this really has happened to him for the first time? Or has he cheated on me in the last 7 months and just now really wants to make things work? I want to trust him, but I just think about what he did to his last girl all the time. I know I see him more and if he did cheat on me it would have only been for a few hours, because I constantly keep a check up on him for the obvious reasons. Should I have even given him another shot?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 10:20pm
Just that you're saying you keep a constant check on him for obvious reasons is a big clue. A big factor in relationships is trust and that doesn't seem present here. I'm not saying you're wrong not to trust him. He's clearly got issues.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 10:28pm
Well I had an issue myself of trust, a matter of personal confidence(I didn't have much before). My parents are divorced after 17 years and then having a mom tell you all men are dogs and cheaters, so I was a little obsesive with the trust inside myself. I have given myself and him more slack over the last couple of months and the relationship is better for it. I just want to know if I can give him another shot, after he cried for hurting someone like he did. Seemingly to truely regret the way he was.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2004
Fri, 12-10-2004 - 7:46am
just moving up