Am I too needy?
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Am I too needy?
| Fri, 08-18-2006 - 2:28am |
SoI have this wonderful boyfriend of 8 months. He's amazing. Has taken me home to introduce me to his friends and family from his hometown..says he loves me...is kind considerate caring ...everything a person would ever want in a partner...I am at the stage now where I keep on wanting to test his love for me and I don't know how to stop..It's like the other day I was over at his place and he had a deadline coming up so he told me he had to work..I expected him to be like " Stay and hang...just don't bother me" but he was like I need you to leave because I have to work..Well I threw a tantrum wanting to cry and he of course wanted to sit me down and talk about it but I was so hurt I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I just told him I needed to be alone now...said something to the extent of if we ever live together what are we supposed to do when the other one needs space or time alone? Kick the other one out?" I know he's got a huge deadline up ahead of him and i should be understanding but I just was hoping he could fit me into his life through the hard times and the good times. Am I being too needy? Was I wrong...Is it too early to be talking about the future and moving in? He's such a wonderful boyfriend ..spends so much time with me that I think that I should give him his space to do his work and not be so very high maintainance but I know he is going to be leaving for another country for work in about 3 weeks and staying there for 4 months that I really do feel needy and all.i usually write him an email and we smooth things out by e-mail but part of me is too afraid to show him how vulnerable I am ...I don't know what to do but I know if I ever lose him I could never find a better boyfriend than he . I love him so much . Please help with advice. he hasn't called me in a day though he did write me a wonderful e-mail telling me he loves me and was sorry that he was testy today with wanting to be along so he could do work. Anyways please if any of you been in my shoes with being needy how did you overcome it ? and was it so bad of me just to want to be around him while he worked?

I think it is being too needy to want to be with your boyfriend ALL the time, and it's definitely the kiss of death to constantly test your man's love by asking him how he feels, begging, crying and whining. So you really have to watch those tendencies. You can sabotage a good thing by smothering a good man. Make sure you have enough to do to occupy yourself independent of your boyfriend so you aren't dependent on him for all your fun and positive feelings.
Now, having said that, I think it was a bit cold of him to ask you to go home. It would have been nicer if he told you he was going in another room to work, and he could have asked NICELY not to be disturbed.
But it seems like you have been very clingy or demanding of attention whenever you're around your boyfriend, so he might have felt he would be too uncomfortable and unable to work if you were there. I think the better solution would have been to tell you it wasn't a good night for you to come over, at all. That way, he wouldn't have to ask you to leave.
Try to work these arrangements out in advance, whenever possible. And when you know your man has to work in the evening, VOLUNTEER to stay home!! It won't kill you, and he will appreciate you much more when he realizes you are being considerate of his other time obligations, AND that you are perfectly okay doing things on your own.
Finally, you've got to stop feeling so DESPERATE about hanging on to this man. We understand you're in love, but when you start to give off vibes like you are going crazy without him, that's when you're digging your own grave...because very few people are comfortable under that kind of pressure.
Take care.
I think you're over-reacting. It's not like he's being elusive and saying he needs space. He wanted to be able to concentrate on what he was doing without any distractions. When I work, I like to do the same.
If you have a good thing, try not to ruin it by testing his love and throwing temper tantrums. Those grow old quickly. Trust in the love, nurture it and let it grow. Don't push for things to happen before their time.
And no more tantrums! ;o)