am I waisting my time ?
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| Wed, 02-15-2006 - 11:08am |
Hi everyone.
I have been dating exclusevily I thought good guy for the last 6 months. I met his family we visted them and spent weekends with them, I thought it was going to well. I am temporarly unemployed because medical reasons nothing serious but I have to stay 3 months at home and we met at this time and I told him I am looking another job or back to school. It is been 6months thinking what I am going to do with my life. Suddenly two weeks ago he start acting like he doesn't care or something I went back to the website where we met just to check and I found a profile fits his description( that is the last thing I would have done after I dated 5months plus), I confronted him and he said yes it was his. I did ask why he betrayed me and he said he is happy with me in so many ways but I am not looking for work enough and he thought I am happy the way I am living. I explain that was wrong misunderstood me completly. I told him if it the job it is easything to fix, just it took me long time to find out what I want in life. I did ask him if he want to be with me we can fix this all to delete his profile and enjoy together his ansewer was he doesn't know. I told him to call me when he is sure he wants me. Yesterday I met him for Valentines it was quite mood he we stayed together, he doesn't seem to delete his profile. I need help I am just disappointed because I cared so much about him and I love him I don't want to lose him because of some misunderstanding.
Any advice please.

Yes. You're wasting your time with this shlub. Either he's greatly afraid of gold diggers or he wants to mooch off of you financially. Otherwise, why would he care? If you can't physically perform at a job in your chosen field, then yes. It will take time to decide what the second best field of work would be. You can't make decisions about your entire future overnight and he's not being fair to you. I know you were thinking about an alternative field while you were recovering, but how much research and job hunting could you have possible done? He is being very unreasonable. I would lose this guy's number.
It also could be a stupid, lame excuse to get back on the website.
Here's what you're running into......timing and situational detail.
In basic premise - the guy doesn't respect "how you conduct your life"...he doesn't think you take enough responsibilty for your destiny and your future and your present.
According to him....you could be looking more intelligently (not harder) for work.......adnd you could be working in some capacity to generate some income or add to your skills resume. But you're not.
Your reason for it is medical.....you're saying you cannot work. Without details which aren't necessary, it's hard to say that if is you thinking only within the parameters of your own expectations/wants....or if that is a dictate of the physician and your condition and you cannot literally "work" at all in any capacity that demands something of you.
But according to him, you odn't conduct your life in a responsible and successful manner. Your excuse on this is "it takes time to find out what you want to do in life".
He doesn't want a relationship of commitment and obligation with someone who while in a period of transition or restructure does nothing but "have feelings"........that would impact him and his goals severely.
I think you're up against the same thing you'd be up against in the following scenario:
YOu have a college education,but you're 30 and have worked only at aminimum wage jobs because the field your degree is in, you only want ONE type of job and you're unwilling to compromise yourself by taking anything but minimum wage and marginal responsiblity jobs until you're the "anchorman at CNN".
So at 30, you're walking into a job interview in the media field, for an entry level position. You explain why you've taken the last 6 years of your life working at McDonalds, and at bookstores.....trying to "get a break"...and you've finally come to a grudging acceptance that for you to pay rent and have your car, you're going to have to hold a subpar but more responsibliity oriented job with a little bigger paycheck. Any smart employer wouldn't hire you.......you haven't demonstrated any self-responsiblity and you're coming at this strictly from a prioritization on your feelings, wants and expectations - rather than realistic assessment of your options and abilities.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com