Am I wasting my time

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2006
Am I wasting my time
2
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 10:15pm
I have been married for 23 years. Last year I found out that my husband had cheated on me with my friend and neighbor. We had tried to work it out but I just couldn't. We were seperated for 5 months than I let him come back but my feelings just haven't changed, even after a marriage counciling. So back in June I met a guy when I was out. He was very nice and seemed interested. We exchanged busniess cards and begin talking and emailing. We met for drinks one night and I told him that I was still living in the house with my husband but that we were going to get a divorce, he was nervous about dating me but we continued to see each other. He would texted me every morning which was so sweet and texted during the day (he was between jobs so had 3 weeks vacation). We eventually started having sex (which was wonderful) and I moved into my own apartment.
One night I told him that I could not have any more children and I noticed a change in him over the next couple of days no am texting etc. I finally asked him what was going on. He said that it was always his dream to get married and have children. He has been married twice and it has never worked out. He is 43 and I am 44. I have 3 children 2 who are at college and a 12 year old.
He says he is not sure what he wants to do because he is now reconsidering if he still wants children now that he has met me but he still feels bad when he sees his friends and coworkers with their children and that maybe we should slow it down so that he has time to think about what he should do. He says he really enjoys being with me but the no children thing still bothers him and that I am not divorced yet is another thing. I have asked him several times if he still wants to see me and he always says yes.
I have now been pretty much just letting him call me we have dinner together about once a week and see each other once a week too. I told him that I have not been calling, emailing or texting and he said that he appreciates that too.
He always tells me that I am so pretty, smart and fun to be with when we are together but he has told me in the past that he has his guard up too because of his past history.
AM I WASTING MY TIME SEEING HIM????
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 9:21am

If you enjoy his company and understand that this relationship may not go any further than it already has, then you are not wasting your time.

If you are looking for a commitment and marriage, then, yes you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 9:41am

mazatlandawn...

Pianoguy shook his head and rolled his eyes a few times after reading your post. After which..2 questions came into his head?

1. After being separated for 5 months, why did you even bother letting your husband come back into your life when it was clear that you couldn't forgive him for his infidelity?

2. Why did YOU become unfaithful with a man who clearly was hoping you could give him a child or two? And knowing how he feels...do you honestly think this relationship will last?

With the first question...did you feel 'obligated' to give your husband another chance or did you reunite because you felt your children needed their Father and Mother TOGETHER?

In the second issue...your agenda and the man you slept with are totally incompatible. You've had your "fill" of motherhood and have moved on. He wants the experience of marriage and being a Dad. So unless one of you (aka HIM) is willing to give up that dream, it doesn't appear that your relationship will last very long?

Not that it matters...but I gave up MY DREAM of having additional children after I began to date "the girlfriend from Hell!" Making this decision was a MAJOR MISTAKE FOR ME since our relationship eventually dissolved after 4 years!

While I'll DEFINITELY give her major points for being "the best bed partner I've ever had", most of her other 'endearing qualities' turned out to be 80-100% NEGATIVE!

I'm incredibly glad I never asked her to marry me...even though I came very close!

Pianoguy