Am I wasting my time???

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Am I wasting my time???
4
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 11:53pm

Ok, I've been lurking for about a week or two. Now I can use some advice if anyone cares to help me out. I am at my wits end!

I met this guy online. Well, okay---we haven't actually 'met'. We started out emailing on this one site. Then to personal email address'. Then graduated to phone. To the point we both are very comfortable with one another. We were 'going' to meet one day. Didn't happen. As it was, we had 'teased' and flirted sexually (NO! Not cybered!). Well, I was worried he was going to expect sex right of the bat, because of this. I emailed him and explained how I felt. He wrote me the sweetest email back telling me that was fine. He understood my apprehension and that my worrys were basically for naught. He end the email by saying; "We know we both want each other and that it's all good." and that he was perfectly happy with our friendship at that point.
Okay, sounds good right? No.

We didn't meet and haven't as of yet. He told me right off the bat that he worked a lot. I understood for the most part because I was a work-aholic all my life with the exception of the last year. Then I got to thinking....he has only called me during the week, while he was at work, on his work phone, and we hadn't met.
(Things that make you go..."Hmmmmm....!".)

So I fired off an email. I'm not shy. Very bluntly asked him if he was married. Got another message; "NO! NO! No! Not just no---but Hell NO!".
Said he just worked a lot at present and that was going to change soon.
I really liked what I've known about him so far. Really. So I let it go. He starts calling me on weekends, from places other than work, (okay in his truck...lol), gave me his cell phone, and told me I could call him anytime.

Sounds good, right? No.

I've kinda pushed to meet him. Kinda. (I want to know if their is any chemistry and where to go with this. Only reasonable.) So we made plans for this past weekend. Sketchy, but planned on meeting.

Has never happened yet.

I finally got fed up and felt I could take no more. I fired off an email that was not mean, just to the point and honest about how I felt and the situation. I basically told him I didn't feel as though he had put any effort forward and was full of sh**. Told him I had done everything I could do and was tired of it.
Wished him good luck and and said I was 'done'. (Period)

End? No.
He emails me next morning bright and early...."All I can say is I'm sorry. I didn't mean it to happen that way. I could explain, but it wouldn't do any good." blah, blah, blah.
Of course my soft-hearted-ass emails him back and asks for the explaination.
Claims his ex-wife of three years was pretty sick and her two daughters (not his) whom he is very close to, asked him to be there. Claims he couldn't call me cause someone always there. (Flags again!---Imagine that!)
I later asked about this..."Well, I could've, but it would have been uncomfortable. It was already uncomfortable being there.", was his reply. (Hmmmm!)

He then writes that I deserve someone with more time to offer me, how sorry he is, and he can understand if I can't forgive him. But would I please try to understand?
Aaaarrggghhh! He is making me NUTS, I tell ya!

Am I wasting my time with him? Part of me says: "Ditch the man--he's full of it--either way!"
The other part of me wants to be patient and see what happens because I really like him.
I need an outsider's viewpoint here, because I obviously can't see past the ****. LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 7:09am

Hi, I answered your ? on the other board.


Kerry


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 3:07pm
I think you are wasting your time with this bloke. There are a lot of red flags. It's odd that he never told you about these children until you cornered him. Always calling from work or a truck on a cell phone is a big red flag. The "I'm busy at work, but that will change soon", line is very old. I've heard that line 100 times myself. His putting off meeting you on a weekend another red flag. Because weekends are usually "couple time" and if he has a SO, he can't get away on the weekend. Heck, he can't even call you on the weekend unless it is in his truck, so don't hold your breath waiting for a date. If you want a relationship, don't waste your time with this guy, because you'll never get a relationship with him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 1:58pm

I wouldn't put a huge amt of stock in him at this point. I'd taper alot, try to meet other guys. His life is complicated to say the least. If he makes the entree and effort to getting together you can meet for a drink but be wary. It is possible he's married.


again, it's not TOTALLY 100% necessarily a lost cause but certainly don't put tons of energy into this. There are other men around...honest. And you've learned it's better to get off email and phone and into reality sooner vs later

,
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Sat, 02-25-2006 - 9:57am
Honey ditch the drama and drop the guy.