Am I wasting my time???

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Am I wasting my time???
3
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 3:26am
Well I started dating this guy that is 30 and I am 20; I like older guys. Anyway, I first saw him before I moved in with grandpa about 2 months ago. The things is we were both getting out of bad relationships that we were tired of, we started liking each other, but we never said anything to each other until a couple of weeks ago. I am over my ex, but I don't know if he is. He has been with his ex for 5 1/2 years and I been with mine for 2 1/2 years, and they have been broken up for about 5-6 months. He claims that she is crazy and she used to follow him everywhere he went and that she knows where my grandpa house is. He also claims that he has told her to leave him alone, but she still comes by; he says that he cares about her daughter (not his child), but doesn't want to deal with the child's mother(his ex). Whenever he is at my house with me, he gets paranoid whenever a car passes by; I ask him whats wrong, he doesn't want his ex to just pop on him and cause a scene. He is always asking me if I am over my ex and questions like that. I don't know if I am wasting my time with him or should I just give it some time. His relationship before me was really bad and I can tell that he has some trust issues; and not to mention the fact that I am 20 and his 30; he is really self-conscious about that. He thinks that all I think of him is a "fling"! I try to tell him that I am interested in dating him I am not worried about his age, but he is not hearing me?! Is he trying to make excuses?? Am I wasting my time?? Help me --> what should I do?? Should I keep dating him??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 8:36am
anjelgt03...

Unless this man can completely rid himself of the EX-G/F (and I doubt that he honestly wants to)...I'd avoid dating him. What woman (or man) wants to put up someone who fears that 'a psycho ex-partner' is lurking outside your door?

Let him get rid of his past demons before the 2 of you get too serious.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 1:30pm
One thing I don't understand is... why would he try to talk to me if he still was not over this woman. That is wasting my time and his; I asked him is she an issue and he told me no, but he is still kinda paranoid whenever a car passes by. HE told me that whenever he gets something (money or new car) she pops up and messes with him. She has not came around yet, but then again I'm really worried about it. What I am worried about is the fact that he doesn't really believe what I am telling him as far as my feelings. He can tell me how he feels and I give the benefit of the doubt that he is not lying to me. But then again he has trouble believing me, I don't know why!! Help me!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-05-2004 - 5:17pm
anjelgt03...

Pianoguy remembers a song (sung in the late 60s by a group called The Buffalo Springfield) which is called FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH. A few of the lines from the song are:

"Paranoia strikes deep...into your heart it will creep"....and this fits your b/f to a tee!

The man you're seeing is FROZEN IN TIME! He might be trying to relate to you...but his head still has a connection with the EX. There's no desire on his part to sever that connection either....which means you either have to "share him" or break the bond between you entirely!

No matter how hard you try, you CAN'T instill trust in a person who is paranoid.....sorry!

Pianoguy