Am I wasting my time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
Am I wasting my time?
2
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 12:08pm
I have been seeing a guy for about two months now. We have a great time together and I have developed feelings for him. The problem is that he has this dream about pursuing a musical career and does not see himself staying in this area for the long term. I accept that and have always thought of our relationship as one that was not going to be forever, but the other night at a party I overheard him telling his friend about how amazing I was and how much he liked me and that the only problem was that he wasn't sure if a long term relationship was for him right now until he can "figure out what he wants", but that his plans "might change". This is really confusing for me..he doesn't know that I overheard his conversation and I don't want to tell him. I just don't know what to do now. Do I continue on with him and see if he changes his plans, do I continue with our relationship the way it is now, or should I just end it now knowing that at this time he is not in the long-term frame of mind and may never be? I am just afraid that by staying with him, I risk falling in love and then being broken hearted. I know that he has feelings for me, but am I just wasing time?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 12:14pm
Are you wasting time?
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 07-16-2004 - 12:22am
Only you can decide what to do based on what you know about this guy and the relationship. 1) You say that you could "wait" to see if he changes his mind, but this is remote because he has the "dream" and people pursue dreams. At certain point he might feel "stuck' because of the relationship and his inability to achieve for his goals. 2) You say you could "continue as it is", but you're not content and have the doubts. Having doubts will make you feel unhappy and on the long run resentfull. 3) You say you could end it now and cut your losses, but you like him and that will mean finish something that "could heve been..."

I'd talk to him regading "where" you're going as a couple and put your cards on the table: I want a steady relationship. I feel that I could have this with you, but I also know that you have your dreams and want to pursue them out of state. I'd like to know if you are in a position to commit to me and to a long term and exclusive relationship.... leave it open and then listen to what he has to say. After that you'll know wher you stand and will know what to do.