Am I Wrong/A Snob?
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| Sat, 10-07-2006 - 12:29pm |
Hi,
My ex-H is a doctor. So was my father. I am an attorney. I was once engaged to a blue collar worker. He had a kind heart and was nothing like my ex-H. But he could not pull his weight financially (I began to realize he was basically lazy). Plus, my parents did not approve of him because he did not even finish the 11th grade.
I broke it off with him because he did not care if his children finished high school. I did not want someone with that attitude around my daughter permanently. Plus, after we became engaged, he started protesting about the time I spent with my daughter when I had her (he has two young children of his own) and how I sometimes let her lead me by the nose. That was the deal breaker right there. I broke it off on the spot.
Now, I am not giving blue collar workers who are interested in me or ask me out the time of day. I just don't think we have the same values. Is this wrong?
Bunny

IMHO, you have to look at the whole picture when it comes to planning a future together, with either a blue OR a white collar worker. If you have values and standards that say that school is important and that the 2 parties should contribute equally to the household, then you should look for a partner with the same or similar values and standards. Like in your last realationship, you two clashed here.
Given that you're an attorney you can afford a good and decent living and want to set up a good example for your daughter. Your previos ex was a blue collar worker who wasn't being able to make what you broght home, and he was lazy...that is a bad habit. He didn't share your view of education either because, probably, was not/it's not important to him otherwise he'd have gone to college and gotten a degree. His views will be passed to his children.
Do what's best for your daugfhter and yourself. For making your choices you cannot be judged as snob or wrong.
the_happy_bunny....
Pianoguy thinks you really answered your own question in the final paragraph of your post.
You don't have to GO OUT WITH or EVEN LIKE a specific type of worker. Just try and keep an 'open mind' when it comes to your daughter? Especially when it's time for her to start dating.
It's entirely possible that SHE might prefer "a blue collar worker" as her lifetime companion?
Pianoguy
I don't think the fact that your last date had a lackadaisical attitude about education and earning a living had anything to do with him being a blue-collar worker. You just happened across one particular guy who doesn't care. I could spend all day giving you examples of blue collar men/fathers who are FANATICAL about their children's education. There are lots of blue-, green-, yellow- and white-collared folks working long hours at one and TWO jobs trying to give their kids more advantages than they had.
But I'm not trying to talk you into dating anyone you don't feel comfortable with. If it's important that your mate have a degree or work in a white-collar environment, you should stick to your standards. It's not snobbery to have a preference... and it also makes a certain amount of sense to choose men you feel you might have more in common with.
Just as long as you realize that by eliminating a large section of men based solely on their profession, you are reducing your own pool of dates. There just aren't that many single doctors, lawyers and bank executives out there.
But it's totally your call. You might decide it's better to have a few suitable men to date than a whole lot of inappropriate ones. Better luck!
Thanks everyone for your input. I should make a distinction between making friends or looking for a lifetime partner. I'm not ready for the latter. Not sure if I ever will be. So, I suppose as long as I am upfront about what I am looking for, I should not eliminate a whole group of people with whom I could have a good time.
Bunny