any advice and any chance?
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| Wed, 01-11-2006 - 7:57pm |
I met this guy two weeks ago while out with a girlfriend. He was totally into me and pursued me over four clubs. We had so much fun, and he called two days later, in which I met him and some friends out and again had a ton of fun. That night he asked me to his best friend's wedding out of town, and I said I'd let him know--I only just met him. We continued to talk through the weekend, him prompting everything, and finally went out New Year's day on our first date.okay. we unfortunately couldn't make it to a movie.
We went to century city and not only was matchpoint sold out, but almost all the movies! So then we tried 2nd street in Santa Monica and the same thing! So we went to El Cholo and put in our name and had a margarita...45 minutes later they still hadn't buzzed us! All the while, might I add, we had really good and fun conversation. All of the above events weren't a damper on the evening as well, although he did apologize about not getting tickets earlier, and had actually thought about it, and warbled something about how usually he does plan when he goes out (with girls) but that I am a challenge.
So then I suggested that we just rent a movie and grab some food, and he thought of Benito's tacos, a place I like too right next to the car wash. So we rented Murderball (apparently he is a big doc. fan--makes sense with his political activism) and had dinner at my place at the table and then watched the movie. He's not a big drinker, and so we just had water. Which is cool with me! Funny, though, since he's a bartender. We kinda played with each other's hands during the movie and sat really close to each other. When the movie was over I turned off the tv and was like, what next? So we sat and talked and somewhere in there we made out for like, a minute tops! He was pretty tired and yet still wanted to stay for a while, but it was weird because I felt like, ok, kiss me! So after a little bit he left and he gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek goodbye.
So I was/am totally confused. Really, this was our first date, and it seems like he really likes me, and maybe he is just trying to be respectful or take it slow physically? We have only kissed while dancing and at his dad's place for a brief moment. I thought it was my doing but maybe it was his??
So, I texted him Monday morning to say I had a fun time last night and hoped he was feeling well rested and out of his food coma (he did warn me before the movie that he falls asleep watching movies at home). He texted me back almost immediately that he had fun too, and hoped I kept busy at work today (he knows I am not always busy here).
Also, after not hearing from him I woke up Wed. morning going, uh-oh. You know what, I told him I'd let him know Monday and after thinking about it realized I needed to call him. So I did Wed. and let him know that I *just* received approval (in a message). He called back later and said he had called his friend and it was too late--that the table seating had been done (totally understandable-and really, a relief for me!). But he asked if he could call me tomorrow. Well, tomorrow would have been Thursday.
So I was out with a girlfriend Sunday night, and she was like, you need closure on this and prompted me to text him, "How was the wedding" as the one time that I reach out and attempt contact. Since I hadn't heard from him by the time I went to sleep, I deleted his number from my phone. Why call me on Wed. and ask if he could call me again if he wasn't going to? He just shouldn't have replied to my text last Monday or my call on Wed! He acted very interested and pursued me and then--nothing.
Let me state that he is 25 and I am 28 and he is in grad school like me and also at the moment extremely busy working on a humanitarian campaign that has a make or break deadline in two weeks...is there a chance he will call? The week we met he was on break and our first date was right before his work load got super heavy. I certainly don't want to contact him again and be "that girl"--I made some small overtures that showed my interest...please respond with comments!!! I feel like asking him what happened, but know I shouldn't.

Yep, don't be that girl. He changed his mind for whatever reason...at least for the time being. Who knows, you may hear from him at some point in the future but don't hold your breath.
I don't understand this idea of needing "closure" after one date, though. You're right; he shouldn't have responded if he wasn't interested, but some guys have trouble doing that (they think they are being impolite). Next time, let the guy contact you rather than jumping the gun and contacting him.
Sheri
Oh, heck, that happens all the time...I'm surprised you haven't experienced that before! So many guys come on strong...and then, Poof! They are gone. It's actually a big red flag (guys who behave like that are driven by a fantasy view of relationships as a rule), so don't be too upset that he's gone.
Better luck next time...and if this guy DOES come back around, take it with a big grain of salt and go SLOWLY.
Sheri