Any insights welcome

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
Any insights welcome
3
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 3:40pm
My boyfriend of 8 months recently broke up with me. He said that he no longer felt the same way about things as he did in the beginning. In the beginning we got fairly intense quickly-talking about living together, etc. I thought both of us had stepped back from rushing things, but he may think I still feel the same way.

He did say he wanted us to still be friends, and I'm very involved with/attached to his children (he has custody of girls). I didn't really believe the "friends" thing because all guys say that. I called him Sunday night to say I had stuff at his house that I would like to pick up (nothing big a couple things of clothes.

Now, he called me last night to invite me over for dinner Wednesday night. (We broke up Saturday). Now, if a guy were to actually contact me that quickly after breaking up, I may think he changed his mind and wants to try again.

But, I happen to know that he has been re-activating his accounts on on-line dating services (starting on Sunday) and has contacted a couple of ladies to check on interest (saying that he is now single again).

Any one have any clues what is going on? Could he really just want to maintain a friendship? Wouldn't that get awkward with him starting to date again? Or, is he trying to see what is out there (broke up with me first because he is a good guy) but wants to leave me in the wings, just in case?



Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 4:19pm
My take is that he wants to feel good about himself and how he handled the breakup, and you coming over for dinner helps accomplish that. He can say to himself, "See? She came over for dinner four days after I broke up with her! I'm a good guy after all!"

Of course, the fact that he's already online *one day* after breaking off an 8 month relationship says otherwise, but if you want to feed his ego by going, by all means do so!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 1:13am

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your breakup.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2004
Wed, 05-05-2004 - 11:38am
It seems to me that he is moving on, but he doesn't want to let go of you yet or maybe at all. My ex boyfriend was like that. It is odd that he would invite you over for dinner right after you broke up, but maybe he's just confused right now and he really missed you and wanted to see you. I don't think you should be "friends" with him and definately not part-time. That's not fair to you, unless that's all you want. Plus, do you think it might be confusing for his daughters that he is seeing other women but you are still visiting and spending time with them and him?

This is just my 2 cents and I know this is hard, but I would back off and let him know that this situation isn't your desire and let him know he can't just string you along while he goes and rather, I would call it, "explore" other possibilities. If he truly cares about you and wants you, he'll come back. But don't let him try and keep you around in the meantime. You deserve more than a part-time guy.

hugs for you.