any opinions please

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
any opinions please
4
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 3:17pm
i have been seeing this guy for three weeks now and i really like him. we had sex early on even though i knew we sjould have waited. i really enjoy hanging out with him and would like to be his gf. when we hang out its cool i just wish he would ask me out on a real date. our dates basically consist of going to the mountains and talking and having sex. i basically told him that i was liking him and wanted more than a friends with benefits relationship. he says he is not ready for a relationship. so i basically said that we should just stop having sex and he agreed. i kinda want to continue having sex with him cuz i know that if he is getting it from me he wont look elswhere and besides the sex is great. the problem is that i want something of a real relationship with him. he tells me he cares about me but then i always have to call. he tells me to call him everytime we hang out. i wish he would call me more instead of having me call him all the time. please any advise would be appreciated cuz i know that i am in a mess.

thanks

mo

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 3:58pm
Hi Mo. I too had a friendship like the one you have with this gentleman. I am still struggling with that friendship still, but the last couple of days I have learned about men. And one thing that even though they would like to have a really sweet woman who will be there for them waiting for them hand and foot, they really don't. I got this insite from my brothers that are married. They have great wives but they have done something that most women that are TOO NICE can't do is play hard to get. Men are born to be the hunters and the women their prey. Give him a chance to chase you. Give him time to miss you. Don't give in everytime he says jump. Men love a bit of drama now and then, as much as they say that don't. I know it's not easy to step back a little bit when the sex is good and the communication is great, but stepping back a little can make wonders. I know it sounds like you will be playing games with him but that's life. And life is nothing but a game and challenges.

Try it a little bit, step back, and see what happens.

Good luck Mo

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 8:38pm
thanks for your reply. have you used this advise on your own relationship? if so, what has been the outcome if you dont mind? i am definetly going to step back and stop calling him no matter how hard it is. i guess we will see what happens. thanks

mo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 3:24am
Do not call and don't be available at the drop of a hat. If you want more of the same than keep calling him because if you keep calling you keep "teaching" him that it's ok to not be any more responsible to you. You have to change the dynamic and that begins right now. If he ever does call you (and he most likely will eventually) you can say something like "well, you told me you were'nt ready for a relationship so what do you want?" You don't have to emotionally caretake this guy who has'nt been able to ask you out for a real, respectable date...he's not a baby, he's a man and can take it. I am only speaking from experience. If you follow this advice now you will prevent yourself from having a future, bigeger disappointment/broken heart.

- Starlight
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 10:22am
starlight,

thanks for your advise. im not going to call him anymore and see what happens. since you are speaking from experience, how did this turn out for you?

thanks

mo