Anybody date guys with Peter Pan syndrom
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| Sat, 10-08-2005 - 2:57pm |
I was just curious. Has anybody dated men who suffered from the Peter Pan Syndrome? Can these types of relationships ever work out???? As I have been sitting her these last two weeks, crying and being sad for the loss of my relationship, and reading stuff on here and on enotalone.com, I have stumbled on something. Sometimes, I think my ex suffers from the Peter Pan syndrome. Peter Pan was a mythical character who always wanted to be a child and stay a child and live in Neverland. He never wanted to grow up.
Sometimes, I think my ex is like that. He does have a job, albeit in sales. He has always been picked on throughout his life. His mom treats him like a little kid. She is constantly yelling at him, belittling him, lecturing at him to do things. His boss is like that too. She picks on him, constantly criticizes him, makes him feel as though he cant make decisions on his own. Everybody treats him like he is a little kid or they take advantage of him. His friends do that because whenever they see him, they like it if he pays for things since he has a job and most of his friends dont, or they are kinda young, like in the late teenage years. He has never done well in the work world, from what he has told me. He has gotten fired a lot, always been a peon, never been able to become management, or anything close to that and he is 32 years old. Most people look at him funny because he dresses funny. He dresses like a teenage punk a lot of times, or else he runs around with a felt skunk tail attached to his belt/pants. He makes it a point to stand out in a crowd.
He has had only two long term relationships, me and his first ex. His first ex, their relationship lasted 7 years, and he was deeply in love with her. He wanted to eventually marry her, but he took too long to propose, and she couldnt stand the fact that he hadnt gotten his life together, so she dumped him. He almost committed suicide over that one. After that relationship he had a few others that never lasted long, and all the girls dumped him. MOst of the girls looked at him for financial and emotional support since they still had attachement issues with their own ex's. Me, he seemed like he loved and wanted a long term relationship. He is such a kind guy, treats the women right, wants a commitment, doesnt cheat, but he is a mama's boy since he lives at home and she has a big say in his life. He also doesnt know how to drive at all. He has no car. I fell in love with him quickly because he was so nice and kind to me. He also seemed like the type who was too childlike to hurt me or leave me, if I made his life nice.
He has an obsession with doing kidlike things, although as he explains it, a lot of adults like kidlike things too, like toys, comics, action figures, stuffed animals, etc. He loves playing video games with most of his friends. That is what they do on the weekends, play video games and drink and smoke. He spends most of his time hanging out at comic book stores, toy stores, or playing Magic with his nephew, playing computer games with his friends, etc. He collects stuffed animals, of which he has about 50 on his bed. If you go into his room, it looks like a room of a young boy or at least, a teenager. He has tons of action figures, transformers, toys on his bookshelves and on his table. On his bed he has tons of stuffed animals. He has a hard time dealing with adults. He thinks they are out to get him because they are older, and tend to think they know better. In a way, his thinking is very childlike and his reactions can be childlike too. He tends to run away from things that are hard to deal with. He has grand plans but he never works on them or brings them to fruition. Right now, he tells me that he broke up with me so that he could work on getting his life back together which means to him, getting his artwork in order (he is also and aspiring artist), going back to school, paying off his bills, and moving out. Personally, I dont think he is every going to accomplish those things.
Me, I like him because I can understand where he is coming from, when it comes to being picked on and looked down on. I have issues with that because of my height. I also find his childlike attitude kind of interesting. I also can understand why he is the way he is. Growing up and becoming an adult is a hard thing to do. Even I have a hard time dealing with it, but since I live on my own, I have to deal with it, whether I like it or not. I kind of wanted him to get attached to me so that he would never dump me. But, I guess I was wrong. He dumped me.

Hi renaissancewoman,
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. Breaking up is always hard.
I'm a bit confused though. The whole post, it sounds like you are sharing all the negative things about him, but then at the end you say <> That sounds to me that you wanted him to grow dependent on you, as opposed to being in a healthy relationship.
My question to you would be if he has so many negative qualities, why do you really want to be with him?
He did have a lot of good qualities too. He was loyal to me, put me first, and he did a lot of things for me, liked help me around the house, carried things for me, was there for me, etc. I kind of shoved him away after awhile because I wasnt used to that and he was getting kinda clingy to me. Also, his childlike ways and his childlike tastes were starting to bother me a tad bit. But, I miss him now, I miss having him around to do things with me, even if they were childlike. I miss having a partner and someone who truly did care about me.
I wish I could have taken his childlike nature and dealt with it better than I did. I got tired of his personality and his way of doing things, and I began to pull away from him. Now, he dumped me and he seems happy to run off on his merry little way so he can hang with his friends. I dont think he misses me at all. I miss him terribly.
I think you should listen to what you're saying... Your instincts told
It is hard for me to keep busy. I dont have many friends out here, and my best friend is moving away in a matter of weeks. I am so lonely out here, dont have anybody to hang with. I miss him a lot and wish that there was some way to patch things up. When I wake up in the morning, I wonder what he is doing and what he will be doing for that day. I know this weekend and next weekend, he is going out to help his buddy at a Ren Faire event. I am afraid that he will meet someone new and move on and forget about me and our two year relationship. I am afraid that this past two years have left nothing of an impact on him, esp the last few months since I didnt spend much time with him. I just hope that whenever he uses his cell phone, he remembers me a bit, because I gave him the cell phone and he is still sharing my cell plan with me, of which I PAY THE BILL.
I miss him a lot.
When were you planning to stop paying his phone bill? Now would be a good time!
And along the lines of what I've posted to you on the other board, you need to stop focusing on HIM and focus on YOU. Until you are happy and healthy BY YOURSELF you're never going to have a happy, healthy relationship.
Sheri
>>Personally, I dont think he is every going to accomplish those things.
perhaps, he will. we don't know.
we are no one to write anyone's future.
perhaps, he did do the right thing so he can get his life together.
perhaps he sensed something just wasn't right.
i don't know anything about this syndrome, nor have dated anyone with this syndrome, so i might be missing something here. i am really sorry for the break-up, but a break-up is a break-up. why not try to deal with it in the best way possible.
i know it is really, really hard, especially with no social support there with you, but be strong, try to keep busy despite all that you feel, and know that sometimes, things DO happen for the best. we cannot control anybody's else's thinking, so there is no use trying to wonder whether he might be thinking about you. one can just get sucked into the spiral, and feel even more depressed and exhausted.
please take care of yourself, and try to have positive thoughts in your mind. i really wish you all the best..
Michael Jackson is one such example of someone suffering from Peter Pan syndrome.