anyone believe in luv @ 1st sight?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
anyone believe in luv @ 1st sight?
16
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 2:57pm
i have never been a believer in this until recently.

i guess its not entirely luv at first sight, but ive only gone with this guy once. we had been talking for a long time via email and IM (9 months). this connection we have was/is so strong, i told him we couldnt talk anymore because he had a gf at the time. he was honest about it and said things were too diff between them so he would prob be single again. that was about 8 months ago. and now he is single. he didnt come looking for me online, it was thru one of my friends. and we just started talking sicne we had a lot in common and i felt an immediate connection as did he.

anyhow we finally met in person saturdya. we spent all day and night together. we talked non stop and everything felt so natural and comfortable. i feel like ive known him forever. i am so in love with him and its not any other type of love ive been in before. its different this time.

i'm jsut flabergasted - because i never believed in this before now. I'm trying my best to hold back for the sake of protecting my heart. and i tend to be guarded alot of times with dating. with him its like i dont even think of being guarded unless i start to analyze which is often, but more than not w/ me... I just open up.

Anyone else experience this in success?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 3:57pm
Nope...the times I've THOUGHT I've experienced it, turns out I was wrong. I was so sure last time, I wasn't even freaked out by it...if anything, I was freaked out about how sure and right it felt! I thought, "hmm, this must be what people mean when they say "you just know"". Well, he turned out to be a liar and a cheater, so regardless of how "right" it felt at first, it was definitely all wrong!

I think it's only true for people through 20/20 hindsight when things work out...basically it's strong infatuation that grows into love. Love takes deep knowledge of a person, and that doesn't come overnight or just through talking...it only comes after spending months of consistent time together and observing *behavior* as well as words.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:44pm
sorry you feel that way shari. i hope you find a guy who will treat you right. i was looking at rings with a guy 3 years ago, and thought he was the one. my family did too. turned out ot be the same thing as with your guy,, liar and cheater. i didnt think a guy existed who was truthworthy after that. but ive met some - while things didn't work out, i know there are guys out there who are honest and trustworthy.

agreed it is lust at first sight, then grows into love.

ive just never really felt that way about anyone either - lust @ first sight.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:57pm
Oh, I definitely think there are men out there who are honest and trustworthy...don't get me wrong!!! I'm just not ever going to *assume* that someone is...they will need to demonstrate to me that they are, through their words and behavior. And for better or worse, I am starting to believe that such men are pretty rare. But I'm not despairing yet ;-)...I'm still hopeful of finding one!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 5:31pm
Love at first sight is an odd concept b/c only over a long period of time can you be sure someone is right for you. It is VERY common to feel that someone is right for you when first meeting them; less common for that feeling to last over months and more importantly, years (for both of you). And if it does last over years, does that mean you loved one another at first sight? Or that you felt strongly about one another and it developed into a lasting love b/c you were right for one another? Real love cannot happen in an instant, when you first meet someone. That feeling of instant connection isn't really love. Love grows and develops over time. So I guess love at first sight can't literally exist in the true sense of the word.

But in answer to your question, yes, I am still married after many years to a man with whom we both felt at our first meeting that we'd found someone right for us...and it lasted (which I think is what you mean by love at first sight). :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 5:45pm
Ah ok. I agree with you.Assuming without knowing th eperson is never a good thing. But there are instances where people do know at that moment and they are together for the rest of their lives. But I always thought I wouldnt be one o fthem because it takes alot of time for me to trust someone. So we shall see!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 5:47pm
that is really special. thanks for sharing.

i agree its lust at first sight more than love at first sight.i guess ive never really felt that much of a passion or eneryg right off the bat with people. all the relationships ive been in have been so/so. I felt passion after somet ime, but never right off the bat. so thsi is new to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 6:52pm
Basically - yoou email dated for 9 months. Which is very risky to do.

Because there is no reality for you to view in this non-contact venue...there is just you hearing what is said, putting your own interpretation on it because there is no reality based, impactive contact - and making assumptions nad projections about his character as a result of that type of "interaction"..

Very risky.

Basically -you've divulged alot in a forum that you considered "low risk" - and that is why you "felt" this incredible connection. There is the assumption that what you said - as you meant it - is what he heard and that he's in alignment with your values, your needs your goals.

So while you should enjoy this giddy feeling - realize it's not a fact, nor a call to action...and enjoy it for what it is while you get to know him...vs. your projections nad assumptions that have created "prince charming".

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 8:11pm
Once I was struck with a love at first sight, or lust@1st sight experience. It turned out to be, "Let the games begin!"

Looking back at the moment I felt I had met someone that I connected with immediately, I realized that what made that encounter seem so trustworthy and comfortable was my feelings were reciprocated in full effect. Wow! He had me at eye contact.

I was played. He was practicing his best lines and behavior on the silly trusting girl I was.

So be careful.

lightship

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 8:25pm

I probably shouldn't answer, because you asked if anyone experienced "luv @ 1st sight" and had success.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 8:42pm
oh for crying out loud, no + experiences except for one eh? i do know the wham bam thank you mam type dating relationship. god ive been there so many times. this is alot different.

thx everyone for the insight but sometimes you just got to let loose and experience the feelings. i feel as though ive lived my life like all of you, level headed & guarded against a giuy hurting you...and its gotten me Nowhere. its actually hurt me from dating some really great guys because i was so into the rules, the dating etiquette. the times ive let loose are the times ive had the greatest relationships.

So no I dont know if this will last forever. But for right now, this is great. Love at first sight - is more of a play on words in my eyes. Lust at first sight and i do know this. Was wondering if anyone had this work out when they felt so much of a connection at first and it turned into something more?! Obviously the unanimous vote is no. I really was in that party as well - and may still be, but I think this guy will be diff, at leaset for a little while ...

Thanks.-S

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