Is this approach too "High School"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2004
Is this approach too "High School"?
9
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 3:43pm
Hi there. Wanted to bounce something off the ladies out here. My name is John and I'm 36 years old (single, never married, no children). Now, I'm very interested asking out this girl I recently met through a friend of mine (who is also female and married). But, when we met, the introduction was just a matter of timing ... I was at a restaurant hanging out with a bunch of people and this girl just happened to swing by to say Hi to her friend. We were introduced, but she had to move on (her age was brought up in conversation after we met). Anyway, I do not know much about her and was planning on probing a bit through her friend ... mainly, "Is she single?" and "Do you think she might be interested in an older guy?" From there, I may be able to swing an opportunity to see her out again casually ... again, through my friend. Now, is this too "High School" of me? Since my friend likes me a lot, my thoughts are that if the answers are what I what to hear, yes, she's single, and yes, she would be open to dating an older guy ... she may tip off my interest and naturally "put in the good word". But, if this is too dorky of an approach ... please tell me. I could possibly arrange to see her again and ask her myself at that time. All thoughts are welcome and MUCH appreciated. Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 4:29pm
I think your plan sounds fine and not too high schoolish. It's not like you have frequent contact with her in a setting like school and instead of approaching her directly you ask friends to gauge her interest for you. The circumstances you describe are completely different. But, I wonder how big is the age difference?
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 4:38pm
No, I do not think this approach is dorky or highschoolish. How else are you going to know if you don't ask? Since you both share a mutual friend, I think you are at an advantage.

I do hope she is not too young and she is of legal age, however. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 5:11pm
LOL ... no, she is definately of legal age. But that's why I want to ask her friend if she'd be open to dating an older guy. I know her friend would know the answer. Plus, I'd spare both her and I the potential embarrassment if I was to ask her out "cold". This way, I may still be embarrassed if she's not into getting to know older guys, but informally (if that makes any sense). Thank you all for the advise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 5:14pm
Ask her out, what do you have to lose!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 5:26pm

How else would you ever have the opportunity to see this young lady again, unless you approach her friend and ask

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 5:33pm
Hey Jilly ... OK, now I've got a question for ya (well, for everyone). Do you guys think it would be better for me to ask my friend to simply "set us up"? Or, would it be better for me to use my friend to "poke around the edges"? That is, asking if she's single, interested in older guys? Then, arrange to see her ... and go from there.

And yes, again, she's legal (LOL) !!!

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 5:37pm
I think you should find out from your friend if she is single and if she is interested in dating a 36 year old man and also available.

I think YOU should be the one to ask this lady out yourself.

You can do it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:28pm
The again ... another option might be for me to "not show all my cards" up front. To get my friend to get her out one night -- possibly VERY slightly hinting that I'm interested. Then, go from there. But, I'm still in the dark on whether or not she's single and interested in older guys. Hmmmmm. Well, with this approach I'm not really "rushing" into anything. What do you think of the "delay" strategy ??? Maybe getting her comfortable in my presence ... without hitting on her. Comments ???
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 8:58pm
How much younger do you think she is that you are worried that you are an "older"

man at 36. ..

In the past year I have been asked out by guys who are 10-15 years younger than me (I am 42)I wasn't concerned and neither were they.