Approaching the Man of my Dreams-Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2005
Approaching the Man of my Dreams-Help
4
Sat, 12-03-2005 - 7:11am

Hello everyone,

I really need solid advise (ideally, from MEN) on what to SAY when meeting a guy of one's dreams !!!!

I am in love. I want to marry this guy. But I have never met him. Known him since 5 years. I know he has other admirers. There is competition. I am up against other girls vying for his attention.

I don't wanna mess it up. I am sincere in what I feel. I want him to see that.

I have a question for the MEN: What would you like the girl to say in that first meeting. Would you rather the girl just be "casual and friendly" and forget about the "love part", or would you rather, the girl be "upfront, wear her heart on her sleeve, and directly ask him out?".

I am SO confused!

I dont want him to mistake my approach as just friendliness, but i want him to see i want to go WAY MORE Farther with him. BUT at the same time I dont want him uncomfortable, or think me to be NUTS.

I really need some advise from the guys...

Thank you so much.

PS: Ofcourse, even if you are a woman, please feel free to comment. I just thought getting a man's opinion would be very valuable, coz I feel like knowing, how exactly a man might think in such a scenario. Every comment would still be very useful. Thanks everyone........

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Sat, 12-03-2005 - 9:31pm

How do you know he's the man of your dreams if you have never met him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sun, 12-04-2005 - 7:28am

Mia, how about you reword this question and say:

"There is a man I am interested in getting to know better but I have not had a conversation with him yet?"

How should I approach him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Mon, 12-05-2005 - 6:45am
I may sound a little harsh when I tell you this, but oh well!!! If you go up to a man and tell him how he is the man of your dreams and you've been watching him for umpteen years and you want to marry him he will run, not walk, to the nearest exit! Even if it is a fourth story window, he will take the plunge. So unless you want to be indirectly responsible for your sweetheart's demise, I suggest you take the subtle approach. Since you have sat on this issue for quite a few YEARS I assume that you are a little shy. Just let go of your inhibitions, and talk to him. Maybe the first time you speak , talk about something general. Listen to him, though, hoard information. You'll use today's conversation as an icebreaker tomorrow. Give him small talk and lots of smiles so he realizes that you are enjoying his company, and after you are no longer really nervous when you talk to him ask him if he would like to resume whatever conversation you are having over coffee, dinner,drinks...whatever. Since the idea is to wow him on this first meeting assume nothing!!! Bring your own cash, meet him instead of having him pick you up, have ideas of how to make the date last longer if you are enjoying yourself, and have an escape plan handy for if you are not. Do not, under any circumstance, get too clingy or needy during this first meeting, and let him initiate the second date. If he doesn't, he may just not be interested at this time. Still offer him hellos, and small talk but don't pursue him. He may come around when it seems like you are not romantically interested in him, or he may never come around, but you don't lose any face because you at least gave it a try. And if he doesn't accept your request to go out, don't sweat the small stuff. It's his loss, anyway!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Sun, 12-11-2005 - 6:51pm

Hey - I've been there - you are a woman driven by passion of the heart. There is nothing wrong with that - but like the other posters say, you have to fit yourself into reality and play the game in the status-quo way... he very well may be the man of YOUR dreams, but as I have so often found out, that doesn't necessarily mean (unfortunately) that you will be the woman of HIS dreams.. so to give yourself the best possible chance of getting him to give You the best possible chance of finding out - we have to get you to make contact. I would like you to tell us a bit more detail - where have you been seeing this guy for five years? Do you think he's noticed you at all in that time? I can't really offer solid advice on a communication strategy unless I know the parameters... i mean, if he's a TV anchorman, it is going to require a completely different approach than say, the guy who runs the local fish market ; ) !!!

share the details... mabye we can help make your dream come true for at least a coffee...