approaching women

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
approaching women
19
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 11:05pm

I am a 25 year old male. How do women like to be approached outside of bars and dance clubs? I don't go to bars or dance clubs.

Please only advice/ opinions from women. I mean what is an appropriate thing to say to a woman when approaching her at the mall, in a book store, coffee shop, on the street?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2006
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 11:10pm
I think that it would be nice if a man approached me in a store etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 11:13pm
in what way? what is appropraite to say?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 11:29pm

If you're going to try this, you need to first get in the mindset that you're going to get a lot of rejections. A large number of women you see are going to be in relationships. Even if a woman isn't currently dating or married, she may not want to be bothered, or may be put off by having a stranger come try a pickup line on her, or may be worried for her safety. Don't even try to approach women in parking lots or in deserted areas. A woman who thinks you might be trying to steal her purse or kidnap her isn't going to be very receptive.

The most natural approach is one that involves a reason to talk to the woman. If you see that she's reading a book that you know about, that gives you a possible opening. Or maybe at a coffee shop you could start a conversation while in line. Just be prepared for her not to respond the way you're wanting and don't try to push the issue if that's the case.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 11:40pm
but what should I say? obviously we will probably both be needing to get somewhere else, so what is appropriate to say when time is limited?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 12:05am
You should probably try to say something casual, like hi, nice place, do you come here often? Or ask a question about a book or something. If the conversation takes off, leave them your number, or ask for theirs. Even better if you have nice business cards (seriously). Coffee shops and bookstores might work. But the problem is indeed that most of the girls you approach this way may be involved with somebody already. It might be better to try online dating, because at least the people you meet this way are available.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 5:46am

Avoid the cheesy pickup lines. Is there something at the store you can talk to her about, ask her a question about? Is there something she is wearing that strikes your eye? Can you ask her about nice places to eat? What about activities to do, directions, help in picking something out?

These questions can give you the few minutes to grab someone's attention and open the door to other questions? When you do get the chance, be upfront and let her know you would be interested in getting to know her better and maybe she would like to go for a coffee. Offer your phone number (card is good to have).

Rejection is common everywhere, online and in person. Expect it, lots of it, and just move on to another. There are websites and books on how to meet women which could help you.

Cheryl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 6:27am

I think there's a component of reading body language and facial cues that will help your chances if you're good at reading them. But even in the best of circumstances, I agree with the other posters, be prepared for some rejection but that's just part of dating no matter how you do it.

The best way a guy could approach me would be to try and start a very natural conversation about something around us, e.g. the produce, the music that's playing in the coffee house, the topic of the book section I'm looking over. That way, if I'm also interested I'd work to keep the conversation going and it'd feel natural -- or as natural as something like meeting a stranger can be!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 8:31am
This is a tough one because two different guys could approach me using the same words in the same situation and my response would depend on the guy...whether or not I felt attracted to him. I don't care if he uses a line as long as it is not offensive and does not make references to my or his body parts. I thought the line the guy used in "Blast From The Past" was a good one: "Excuse me, I seem to have lost my Congressional Medal of Honor around here somewhere....could you help me look for it?" Of course that was in a dance hall where I presume people are looking for dates, but using a line on someone in a coffee shop or grocery store might not work too well. You could go with something natural like "I just noticed your watch and I think that would make a great birthday present for my Mom, would you tell me where you got it?" Most of all, try to appear happy and confident as that will attract more ladies. Hope this helps a little. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 10:59am
I also have to add to this discussion that if you try to be too "natural," asking a question about finding a book or something like that, they could get confused and think that you really need help with finding that book and nothing else. I think I have blown off several interested people this way myself, thinking they just needed help finding something, or some information. So it would be good if you make that clear, that you are not just asking for help, but trying to make a conversation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 11:41am

Avoid anything that sounds like a pick-up line. If a guy said to me "come here often" ... I'd think "well, that's a pretty worn out line" (ha) ... lacks originality.

I do agree that you just want to be casual and natural. If you're in a bookstore, that's a great place as there are a TON of topics around that can inspire something to talk about. Let's say you see an attractive woman in the travel section, just start browsing ... if there's a particular place of interest to you, you could say "have you ever been to ?" ... of course, choose a place of interest that isn't TOO obscure ... otherwise, she'll probably just say "no" and go back to what she was doing. But, if she said "no, but I've always wanted to ..." ... then, you've got an open invitiation to start a conversation.

If she talks to you for at least 5 minutes, then ... she MIGHT just be interested. You see, if a guy started talking to me in a bookstore, I'd talk to him (I'm a friendly person, and certainly not going to be rude) ... but, I probably wouldn't talk to him for too long and would find a way to slip the "boyfriend and I" comment in there. As, whenever a guy approaches a woman, of course he's trying to figure out her status without coming right out and asking the uncomfortable "are you taken?" question. So, I let 'em off the hook that way. :) (actually, this just happened to me on Friday!)

Lastly, I'd disagree to some degree in that, if you are asking for assistance, that she just might think your looking for help and that's all. 1) it's important to make eye contact (without staring, of course), which is usually a clue that the person is interested and 2) if a guy wanted help with finding a book or help on picking out the perfect cantaloupe (ha), he could ask someone who works there, right? So, if he's asking me, and being friendly and making eye contact, I'd take that as a sign that he's flirting with me and is interested.

Of course, yes ... be prepared for rejection, as just because a woman is friendly, that doesn't mean she's available. And, even if she isn't taken, she just plain 'ol might not be interested. It's a number game, though, right? The more contact you make, the higher liklihood of meeting someone, right?

Good luck!

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