Are his feelings for me weak?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Are his feelings for me weak?
2
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 9:32am
So my boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months....Things had been going really well ...he's been treating me wonderfully and even said he loved me recently...I've developed some insecurities though because we had broken up early on in the relationship when he said something insensitive and I got mad and he was willing to let me go when I walked out on him to want me back in a week because he missed me...Well such another incident has happened ...yesterday we were at a bar and well he ended up telling me in front of his friends that he once considered breaking up with me because I wanted him to make comments to me on myspace. I didn't consider that something serious enough to consider breaking up with someone and so flippantly. I remember at the time we wrote back and forth making our points about commenting on myspace. I told him it was like a small thing and if you can why not do it for the person you love..in the end he did end up writing me tons of comments but at the time ( 2 months ago) he considered breaking up with me over it? It scares me that he could think about dropping me at the drop of a hat like that and I told him that I don't have faith in our relationship or his love for me if he can switch that easily based upon small request and disagreement.I got mad at him didn't let him hold me the entire night...told him not to say I love you to me because I don't beleive he means it. He said that how he felt then about thinking about breaking up with me was for a split second but he didn't because he wants to be with me and I make him happy...I still was so pissed I gave him the silent treatment...Am I being immature about it. What should I do? Or is this incident an indication of his lack of love for me. He does treat me very well and spends a lot of time with me and has said he loves me and I can say this is one of the healthiest relationships I have ever had but things like this rattle me...I don't want him to think he can say things like this and I'm OK with it. He did apologize and say he was an idiot for saying this in front of his friends but what really bothers me is he felt that he could break up with me over something like this. Please help. Thank-you
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 7:17pm

If you guys are going to bicker over myspace comments to the point of almost breaking up, how are you going to handle the stuff that actually matters, like paying bills, cohabiting etc, and difficult life situations?

This...
::I got mad at him didn't let him hold me the entire night...told him not to say I love you to me because I don't beleive he means it.::
...is a dumb thing that girls do that only ever hurts themselves. HE is not missing out on those things as much as YOU are. And later? You'll get upset at him for not holding you or telling you he loves you.

You want affection but punish him by not letting him be affectionate to you. You want to hear ILU, but tell him not to say it, coz you don't believe it. Kinda dumb really...and self destructive.

I don't think anyone should be making derogatory comments of any nature about their partner in front of other people. Those things should be done in private. Yes, I think him doing that fed your insecurities, but YOU have to control those insecurities with rational thinking too. Own that which is yours and communicate with him the those things his actions aggravate.

You need to work on a relationship, but a relationship should never be work.




Edited 6/21/2006 7:18 pm ET by pureatheart11

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Wed, 06-21-2006 - 11:15pm
Well the argument wasn't really about myspace comments but more the whole concept of indulging your partner when it's a small thing that would make them happy.My boyfriend works in an industry where his hours drive me insane but I deal because I love him and I chose that as an example and I honestly don't remember it being an argument but more a playful sparring which surprised me that he would consider breaking up with me. He has written to me saying he is sorry and he realizes what he did was wrong but the hurt feelings are there still and i don't know if I should let him off easy or make him realize he can't take me for granted and how to do that.