Are my expectations to high?
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| Wed, 09-27-2006 - 4:44am |
Hi All,
I'm actually a guy looking for advice and hope you will be kind enough to share. I have been dating a friend of mine for the past year. At first she seemed to want to get very serious more quickly. I had explained that I didn't want to get serious, that I was most interested in a companion to share time with. I am divorced and not anxious to get into another relationship at this point. With time she has moved away from the relationship talk and now we spend time, enjoy each other's company, have fun and it's nice. We have common interests and hobbies. My question is this...one of the reasons I haven't been anxious to go any further is that as sweet as she is, she drives me crazy with some of her behavior. For example, she's quite careless and accident prone. She has injured herself twice by falling or tripping at the gym or down stairs and the been bruised or had a sprain for several days. Also, she has some sort of obsession with food---or rather not eating. She's 5'1" and 100lbs but thinks she's fat. So she'll forgo having dinner together and instead go home and have yoghurt and crackers. I do find myself losing patience and acting I"m embarassed to say like a parent figure: "Have you eaten today?"...that sort of thing. She says "Sometimes I like being a puppy dog...." is kind of her response to this... I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I don't see this getting any more serious because I don't think she is serious. She enjoys her freedom and likes to have someone in her life. In some ways it works out great for both of us... Are my expectations too high?

walawala2006...
PG thinks the time to "get serious" with ANYBODY is when you can fully accept the wonderful qualities...and QUIRKS...EQUALLY when it comes to the person you like!
If stuff about your g/f is bothering you NOW...what makes you think things will improve should the 2 of you decided to get REALLY serious?
FRIENDSHIPS can be forever. But a serious relationship CHANGES the rules...and forces all of us to adapt and to 'accept behavior' that we actually find UNCOMFORTABLE! So if this continues, it's inevitable that one or both halves of a couple will get mad at the other about something?!
So enjoy each other, your hobbies and your interests....but don't assume that the good friendship the 2 of you have...HAS to lead to anything more?
Pianoguy
I don't think you have high expectations from this lady, you have different expectations of a relationship. You've explained your position to this lady and she seems happy with the current set-up. She likes you as a friend and you do her, so there is nothing to change.
However, if you are looking for an SO, you need to keep looking. Don't box yourself around her. Make sure you continue to meet other people.
One comment regarding the food. I'm going to have to defend your friend a little bit here. I too have a a good male friend, but he hates my 'obsession' with food, he thinks it is abnormal. As a woman ages it becomes more difficult to keep the pounds away. I like being thin and it takes quite a bit of effort to eat right and exercise to keep my body the way it is. My friend wants so much for us to go out on the town to order several courses in a restaurant, drink glasses of wine and eat a fine dessert....but I can't and won't because I know there is a difficult price to be paid afterward in the following days.
Please lay off this woman about the food.
Not necessarily - the qualities you mention, particularly looking for a parent, can be difficult to take.
What have your love relationships been like- have you been able to make compromises, overlook perceived flaws?
also some things are timing related. As long as you're honest about not wanting to get involved at this time and she understands and accepts it, friendship is fine. Just dont give mixed signals