Are some guys clueless about girls??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
Are some guys clueless about girls??
5
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 6:27am
I have been seeing this guy for only about 2 months and I need some serious advice. He is 25 years old and has not had a steady relationship or had a girlfriend in 2 years. He has dated off and on but nothing serious. The last girl he was involved with 2 years ago whom he lived with for 3 years left him and took everything he had. So I am assuming that's why he's never been serious with anyone. When we started seeing each other he said he was ready for a serious girlfriend, and so we are giving it a chance..... but the problem is this.... I don't think he knows how to treat a lady... we hang out together and when we are together he's a nice and good person.. but we have never been on a real date... I have met his family and friend's but that's it... We don't spend that much time together maybe a few nights out of the week.... and he is always with his friend's and if I bring it up that he is always with his friend's he replies "I am sorry I am not used to this relationship thing, it's something I have to get used to." Is that possible that he has no clue or really doesn't remember what it's like? I want to work with him and see how this goes because it is a new relationship. Should I wait and see what happens? I know if he wasn't interested he would not talk to me and would break it off, but should I really be patient and let him have his time with his friend's and slowly see more of him? For 2 years he's been able to do what he wants when he wants and has not had to answer to a female, then all of a sudden I am in his life.... What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 11:27am
He is not interested in you. Men won't always tell you verbally that they are not interested. You have to read his actions, and his actions clearly state he isn't interested. After all, he isn't taking you on "real dates", spends lots of time with other people, and isn't really pursuing you. All of this conveys a lack of interest. You see? You should accept it and try to meet someone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 11:42am
Not a lot of young people these days actually *date*, so he may have NO CLUE on what's involved. You say that he's 25 and had his last gf 2 years ago? So he was 23, and it was 3 years- that made him 20. Before that it was highschool... So I'm thinking that he was probably like a lot of people that just start *going out* with a girl and not really *dating* her.

That said, he hasn't really changed a lot of his habits to allow you as a big part of his life. While he does say that he's not used to having a girlfriend, you feel he's spending a lot of time with his friends. Demanding that he spend more time with you isn't the answer, as he'll most likely feel smothered and leave. You said that he does spend a few days a week with you, why isn't that enough? Do you honestly have to spend every minute with him? You should be out visiting with your friends and doing other things so you don't even notice, and then if you're not so available for him he may want to spend more time with you?

Just a thought.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 11:44am
Hon, it's not that he doesn't understand girls...it's that you don't understand guys.

He's NOT taking you out, he's NOT planning evenings or weekends, he's NOT investing in you as a person.

He's hanging out with you when it is fun, easy, convenient and beneficial for hiim to get interaction, conversation, cmpanionship, sex?...and he's doing it because he doesn't want to date, he doesn't want a life partner, he doesn't want to consider someone's needs equally with his own.

He can hang out and hook up if your'e willing - and have no obligation, requirement or commitment of a relationship and all the "benefits" of a relationship.

Believe me...if you continue to hang out and hook up - what is going to happen is that at some point he is likely to find someone he wants to date. And he'll inform you that he'll be spending his evenings with her at movies and restaurants and dancing and that he can't have sex with yu anymore once they start doing it - because that would be "wrong". and you're going to be devastated.

So if you're looking for companionship and sex..keep hanging out and hooking up. If you're looking for a dating liason, or a relationship and partner - stop hanging out with him and meet people who are wanting what you want.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-1999
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 12:26pm
"We don't spend that much time together maybe a few nights out of the week."

But you ARE dating if you're spending a few nights a week with him. What more do you want? You've met his family and friends. I think he's certainly done his part and established that you're dating.

What are you looking for? To move in together? Maybe he doesn't want to do that.

I don't get what these other people who are responding to you are saying when they advise you to dump him. If you're not interested, dump him. But he seems to be doing his part.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 10:07pm
You said you "only" see him a few times a week, but you've also only been dating for 2 months. What more do you expect? Not too many guys want to see a girl more than a few times a week. They want to see their friends, play sports, whatever. He isn't going to want to see you every day. I don't even like seeing guys I'm dating more than 2 or 3 times a week. Don't you want to hang out with your friends or do your own thing sometimes? I say stop waiting around for him and start doing your own thing. Either he'll start paying more attention, or you need to move on.