"are we being exclusive?"
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"are we being exclusive?"
| Wed, 03-07-2007 - 11:01am |
we dated for 4 months before i slept with him. yet, his behaviour changed. he used to invite me to parties now he only calls once a week late at night to ask me to come to his place and i feel like his bootycall.
i made a remark asking him if its ok if i go out with someone else, and he said he "did not mind it at all if I have dinner with someone else".
do i have to ask a direct question?
i mean... can a woman ask something like ..."are we being exclusive?".
wouldn a man run away at this question because I ask for some sort of "commitment" way too early?
thanks,
penelope

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This is a question you should be asking him, and ideally, this should be BEFORE you sleep with him.
But since it's too late for that, yes, you should be direct with him. If a guy is in to you, a question like that will not scare him off.
I would say, however, since he only calls you once a week for late-night booty calls and doesn't care one way or the other if you go out with someone else, I think you've got your answer right there.
Hello!
I think that if you ask him point blank and he runs aways then you have your answer. I don't mean to oversimplify the issue, but my line of thinking is that if he were committed to you then he would not want you to spend time with other men, romantically. It sounds like his reponse is either making concessions for your male friends which is great or he's being vague...which is not so great. You deserve to know.
Olivia_888
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He gave you a very clear picture here - he has no problem with you dating other people which means he is doign the same. It also implies that he isn't thrilled about you having sex with others though.
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DUH? YES you have to ask a direct question if you want something. No one is a mind reader! And given his statement above, I would have asked to clarify that there is at least SEXUAL exclusivity.
This isn't about commitment. And no he isn't running away - you are just avoiding what he's clearly telling you - after 4 months of dating and then having sex, he is still fine with you dating and meeting others. It doesn't sound like he's too worried about losing you. And if he does, then he does and he's probably fine with that.
Sorry - that's what it appears.
As far as asking direct questions go - yes, always. this is how you get anytthing you want. Sometimes you get it from teh person you ask and sometimes you don't. Being unwilling to ask for any reason will ensure that you NEVER get it fromanyone.
Toni
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Boy this is true. It might scare him, but not scare him off. I asked about exclusivity on my 3rd date with my BF, and it traumatized him so badly that he STILL brings it up (a year later) . But obviously he was into me, cause he's still around. ;> Ask the question. It'll give you peace of mind. If he wants to be exclusive, then you can move forward. If not, you won't have to invest any more of your time and emotion. Good luck.
It sounds like he doens't want exclusivity if he's ok with you going to dinner with someone - and that he's treating you like a booty call. I think you should have a conversation that you feel like things changed since you slept together, and that you feel like basically at this point he just wants sex.
AUTCH!
so he got what he wanted. and now i am useless.Autch.
this thought hurts me.
i am often wined, dined, invited, given gifts and it is obvious these guys only want to sleep with me so I dont go out with them anymore. This is why i waited for so long before I slept with him. I realise now that it makes no difference how long I wait.
I wish I would not have feelings for him. I guess this is why I did not ask him. I did not want to be hurt. But than again, he already hurt me by sleeping with me without really caring for me.
it is amazing what guys go through only for sex!!WOW.-always shocks me.
Its like sex is a tool of war, not an act of love.
i finally asked him if we are exclusive or not. i got an answer in my email, but i am afraid to look at it!
I dont even want to know! I think I know the answer and I am not going to like it.
So I look at it at a day when I feel better, not today.
I still have not completely emotionally accepted that he does not care for me.
I might need some time to get over this.
i dont want a man who does not care if i sleep around or not.
i dont even want a man who thinks it is ok that i have a romantic dinner with another man.
maybe i could have avoided this if i would have asked that clear and to the point question early in our dating experience.
I should have read between the lines, because he might already have told me that he does not want to be exclusive.
Well, there are millions of man out there, there must be the right one for me too.
one that is jelouse when i have dinner with another man.
one that freaks out at the thought of me sleeping with someone else when i slept with him.
I guess i have been single and out of the 'dating scene' for too long, i dont know the "dating rules" anymore.
when i was younger a man would freak at the question if i can go out for dinner with another man.-or maybe back than i just met men that liked me more than the one today.
anyway,
i have a couple of feelings to sort out now.....
I am on the right track,
thanks,
penelope
Why is it all his decision?!?!?!? What he wants?
Don't worry about what he wants to do. Worry about what YOU want to do. If you want to see other guys, don't ASK him, tell him that you are seeing other people. It's called dating! If YOU decide that you've found someone you'd like to be exclusive with, then you sit down and have that conversation.
And, no judgement here, but IMO if you are not comfortable asking "Where do we stand" then how can you be comfortable getting intimate??
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