Are we dating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2005
Are we dating?
4
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 6:08pm

I recently moved to a new city where I have a few friends. My guy friend "Fred" lives about 4 blocks away and we have been going out for local happy hours) with his co workers or my friends or just the two of us)a couple of times a week for the past three months. I knew him before I moved here because about 2 years ago he lived with my friend for a short time and we kept in touch slightly since then.

The past 3 weeks or so we have gotten closer and I have spent the night every time we have gone out. He pays for me all the time and is always willing to make plans days in advance.

The problem is I don't know if he considers us dating or not. I know its not a friends with benefits thing because we both said thats not what we want. He stopped dating this one girl a few weeks after I moved here which was weeks before we even kissed so I don't think he is dating anyone else. How can I ask him about what's going on without freaking him out? If we are not on the same page then I dont want to continue to hook up with him and just be friends before things get too involved. Any advice is appreciated..Thanks!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 7:13pm

You just screw up your courage and ask him. If he freaks out, then he's not someone who's right for you.

I'm curious, why didn't you just take the next logical step when you were talking about FWB and ask, ok then, how do you see our relationship? In any event, you could use it as a starting point for your dicussion.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 9:20am
This is something you will have to have a conversation with him about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 10:46am

Why not ask for what you want from this growing relationship rather than expecting him to define and label your relationship so quickly?

If I understand this right, you have been going out for only 3 weeks. That is pretty fast to expect him to have a clear definition for a relationship WITH YOU. He barely knows a thing about your goals, your priorities, your wants, your needs, your expectations, your character, your integrity and your ethics. All of those things form an integral part of a meaningful relationship. At 3 weeks, he doesn't have enough knowledge about you or you about him to have developed a clear picture on this.

Many men are not fans of strict definitions and labels for a relationship, especially so quickly. However, we really do appreciate a woman that will talk to us about what she wants over time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2005
Wed, 11-08-2006 - 8:18pm
I guess I am just confused because of the fact that we have known each other for two years and have hung out with each other tons of times as friends so we know a great deal about each others lives, families, past relationships etc. Now it seems as if it is more than that. I dont want to continue hooking up if nothing will come out if it because then we can just be friends...Thanks for the advice, I will see how things go when I see him this weekend...