Are We Only Friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Are We Only Friends?
3
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 1:05am
I am trying to figure out if we are friends, or friends plus. We've been working together for about 6 months. He is currently dating but not involved in a serious relationship. He continually flirts with me, takes me out to lunch, and always wants to know if I'm going to be at an event he's been invited to. He has always said he would never date anyone he works with, and I am leaving the company in a couple of weeks. We went out clubbing with some other coworkers and he asked me to leave with him to go to a better club. We danced and drank beer all night. He said he thinks we should hang out together more often, because he really likes me and thinks I'm a good friend.

I am confused because his actions say one thing and his words another. Does he think of me only as a friend, or do you think he wants more?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Tue, 10-26-2004 - 11:13pm
If he wants more, he will definately let you. Read into what his actions are instead of what he's saying, because men forget what they say and then their actions are completely different. If he's interested, he's going to ask you out specifically on a date, and not just hang out, and don't ignore the word "friend" because the definition of that word from men mean just that. If you enjoy his company and like hanging out with him then have fun and enjoy what it is, until you know for sure he's interested in you, and you guys are having a actual date. Good luck, and let us know how things turned out!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 12:14am
thanks for your advice dev242! A bunch of us went out last Friday night to celebrate my last day of work. He was there, and every time a guy would come up to me and start dancing with me, all of a sudden he would appear. He'd be bumping and grinding until the said guy would leave and soon after my "friend" would leave too. Aparantly he was trying to "save" me from all these other men.

Later on, he pulled me aside and told me that he did care about me, but he has some things he needs to sort out. I told him that I didn't want to talk about it then, because we'd both had a quite a few drinks, but he went on and on. Of course now, I don't remember the whole conversation (thanks to jaggermeister), but I do remember that part.

At the end of the night, he asked me if I wanted to stay at his place and he said he'd stay on the couch. I live quite far away, so I said yes. When we got to his place, we both agreed that we were mature adults, and that we could handle sleeping in the same bed. And we did nothing all night but spoon. The next morning when I was leaving he asked me what I was doing that day. I told him that I was going to help a friend move. He offered his help, which I accepted, I gave him my number, and he said he'd call on the way to get directions.

It has been close to a week now, and I still haven't heard from him. He never helped me move, nor did he call. I have spent a lot of time thinking about this, and I have decided that he is probably interested in me, but wants to keep me safely tucked away in his back pocket.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 7:56am
Hi

It does sound like there's a flirtatious element going on and he has said he doesn't want to date a co-worker. By the way when you say he dates but not seriously do you mean he sees alot of women in a casual way? Also, be prepared that perhaps his ultimate goal is to see you casually as well once he no longer sees you everyday at the workplace.

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