Are we really just friends ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Are we really just friends ?
6
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 11:44pm
I met this guy around three months ago for business purpose. He is living in another country which is 5 hours flying from mine. When I first met him there was nothing special but I could feel that this guy is really nice (someone you can comfortably talking to) and the relationship then just was a real "business" relationship.

A month later I've traveled to his country on business trip when we met again, one night after dinner we have a nice walk along the beach then sat down and talked until 2am...That was really nice and we very much enjoyed it. During my trip he treated me so well, honestly speaking at that time I had no feeling for him at all but I did enjoy the conversations/ talks between us as it's so comfortable, we talked and shared personal stories just like old friends...He've stayed up very late (until 4am) driving me around the city and talking to me (for more than three hours) eventhough he had to drive home after that which took him more then 1 hour.

My last day he insisted to give me a ride to the airport, note that the airport is pretty far from his house (more than two hours) and my flight is at 10am in the morning, in his country people usually use express train to the airport and accordind to my friend who's living there his idea driving me to the airport was really weird.

Everything went pretty well until we hugged goodbye, he's hugged me pretty closely and tightly and suddenly I felt like I was about to cry (didn't know why)...

We keep in touch since, we talk on the phone and email almost everyday...but we keep calling each other close friends, he told me that he will be there for me whenever I need him, I have his shoulder to lean on, I have his warm hug whenever I need it and he wants this relationship last forever...

I'm quite confused about this, we're not that young for this (I'm 28 and he's 30)...Does friend care that much? He's pretty busy but he could put everything aside talking to me when I'm down eventhough he has to stay up very late to finish his work...And I keep thinking about him everyday and more seriously I think about him whenever I'm sad or when I have problem I want to call him first...

I'm not sure where this relationship will go...We have been talking about my vacation to his country for around ten days (I have some other friends there but deep down inside I know this trip is for him...) but not sure if this is the right decision or not...where should we go then?

Does he really see me as just a friend ? Are we really just friends ? Should I do anything here or just give it up and move on with other chances which is much easier (in terms of nationality/ culture and distance difference) ? Should I just be his friend and wait until he makes a move ? I've never made a first move in my life before by the way...

I much appreciate your advice for this...Sorry to make this message a realy long one but I really need a helping hand now...Thanks

Vivian

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2004
Sat, 06-19-2004 - 1:00pm
It sounds like if nothing else you guys are turning into great friends. And don't all good relationships start out as friends? I would just continue the relationship as is and see where it goes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 8:16pm
Sounds like love is close. I really wouldn't know what to do. I was in the same trouble a while ago. I ended up scaring him off of any hope to being more than friends. We are still really really good friends and we'll never stop being friends. My boyfriend now told me that's how it was for him too (w/me). He just thought of me as a really great friend and then he got interested. So if I have to say anything about it, I would probably say go w/that. Try staying focused on him for a while with out being too obvious and see if he doesn't make a move. And if it takes a while keep your self busy if you're board. But if you really like this guy make sure that you can drop anything or any body when he comes around. If not then I say stick to being friends. Friends act weird sometimes, I know. My friend I was telling you about (not my b/f now), he acts the exact same way you guy does. If I was in any kind of trouble or pain he'd be there, if I was leaveing the country for a while he'd hug me just like that, and if I died he'd be the first to be at my funeral. I think my info would help if you want him more than a friend cause if you tell him how you feel and how you think he may be feeling it may scare him away from any hope of even becomeing more than friends. So I guess what I'm trying to say is he might like you but it's like try to make friends with a stray animal. A slite move wrong could scare him away. Well I hope you have lots of luck.

xxxDragonsbabybluexxx

PS

Keep us posted. K;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 10:52am
Well it sounds like love is a possibility.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 5:19am
Well, we have never talked about the future..So far we call each other close friends and I'm kind of confused about this...Sometimes he really cares, he said and wrote that he cares for me too much, he can even tell that I'm down or not feeling well just by hearing my voice on the phone. I mean he's just so sensitive and thoughtful...

We spend hours talking on the phone and email almost everyday. Frankly speaking I don't think friends care that much, however he once mentioned that (eventhough that it was long time ago in our very first meet)he doesn't want a long distance relationship and he wants to marry a girl who's from the same country. He said that there will be too much troubles in a long distance relationship taking into account the culture and tradition difference...Actually he's a very sincere guy and I've learned from my friends that every girl in his office wants to date him but he's just so cool toward them. He has talked to me about his former girlfriends, how they started and ended. He's kind of picky, but he told me that now he wants to be a bit careful when dating girl as he really wants to settle down (to get married)- He even sets a goal for himself to find another half within this year !!!

Usually after a phone call with him I'm so confused, he says "I miss you so much" but a minutes later he tells me "let's make a bet to see between you and I who's gonna find another haft first ?" and then he says "I know you well, I think I'm gonna win..." ???(yeah he knows me as I don't usually take a chance to be exposed to situations or places when I can meet men - I don't go out with strangers, only with the ones that I've known before...), ??? This is just too confused... what does he mean when he says he misses me and cares for me (sometimes he even says "now I'm giving you a strong hug, really strong just right before your bone is broken???) and he also says that he wants our "friendship" last forever...

Please anyone advise what do you think he wants from me? And if during my 2nd trip we talk about our feelings for each other, will I lose him as a friend if it won't work out ? I think I would be very frustrated if it doesn't work out and don't know how to move on then....

I'm sorry but I need to do something and need some helps here as I keep thinking about him all the times...

Thanks much,

Vivian

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 8:49am
Thanks for the extra info.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 1:56pm
If he's told you that he will marry a woman from HIS country, and you aren't in his country. That would be a sign to me. You will never know what's going on between the two of you unless you talk about it. I would ask him about it before planning a vacation to go and see him. I can understand where you would be confused about this situation. Talk to him, tell him that you feel like he is sending some mixed signals. If you have true feelings for him, you have nothing to lose by telling him. If he's not feeling the same way, then at least you'll know that it's just a friendship.