Ask him out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
Ask him out?
2
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 7:26pm

I've been "seeing" someone for about seven and a half months now, but we hardly ever get a chance to really spend one-on-one time together. Our schedules are totally opposite and he works six days a week. Sometimes on his one day off, we'll get together for a casual dinner, but it's never more than once, maybe twice a week. Over the last two months, we've only seen each other three times, although he calls me on the phone almost every day, sometimes multiple times, and we have long, intimate conversations about deeply personal things.

He's admitted to me that he doesn't know how to date and that he doesn't know what he should or shouldn't do when it comes to a normal, healthy dating relationship. Because he has a fairly high-profile job, he's never had to make an effort to learn the proper way to date -- the women have come to him and made it very easy. I have not done that; in fact, almost all contact is initiated by him.

But after almost eight months, I'm getting tired of waiting for him to suggest that we get together. Do you think it would be OK for me to ask him out? Would it freak him out? He seems to be somewhat afraid of commitment, although I haven't brought up anything like exclusivity.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
In reply to: dusk_falls
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 1:16am

If he wanted to date you he'd have asked you out long time ago. I's been 8 months you know. It seems that he's content with things as they are. You talk on the phone and meet for casual dinner. It's routinary. By what you post in your message, this guy is not healthy emotionally to date. He's used to women coming up to him and him being passive, he doesn't make the effort. He's been like that with you.....no plans, just phone conversations and casual dinner, casual hang out. Where are his plans? You can't be exclusive because you're not dating. You're hanging out.

If you want to see if he moves forward I'd suggest that when he calls you, you tell him that you're busy at the moment, but that you'd like to get together on X day to get out and do something special, "surprise me!". See if he comes up with a plan or even if he's interested in your ideal. After 8 months of hanging out he should be able to come up with something if he wants to date you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
In reply to: dusk_falls
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 1:53am
Guy Here.....Ok let's see..Guy meets girl..Likes to talk on phone.....FOR 8 MONTHS>>>>.But never asks you out for a real date...His excuse::"I don't know how to date"...huh....what am I am missing here...Something is astray..........what is he 18?....Look I'm 55 ..But look 40...And I lost my wife after almost 30 years..yeah it's hard to get into the dating sceene...I know......believe me but 8 months...sorry this guy sounds off...Anyone else on the horizon?? Don't put all your eggs in one basket and let him know that by the way....sorry if I sound blunt but my honesty just got in the way.............