Avoid the Friendship zone with women??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Avoid the Friendship zone with women??
13
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 3:51am
k, how do we avoid the friendship zone when first meeting a women? Do we have to be an ahole? I mean, its so easy for a women to put a guy in that zone and then, he's stuck there for life and cant get out. I dont want to be in this position with women. It sucks.

What are the signs that a women gives a guy, that he's going into the zone?

What are his qualities etc....that puts himself into this zone?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 3:56am
Whaddya mean? You mean, how can you tell if a woman is interested in only being friends as opposed to being friends with the potential of more?

I wouldn't try the a**hole angle though - the only zone you'd be in then would be the outer zone.

Eve

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 10:38am
There is no "friendship zone". A woman will not black list you when you are friends and just never think of you as more than a friend.

The best thing you have to do is some maturing. You seem to be very confused about dating and seem to need a strategy.

Women who will view you only as a friend and not as a potential lover will not do so because of something you did. It's because the never wanted you to be more than a friend.

You really have some considering to do. By asking of being an a**hole you seem that you don't get women at all. Your intentions of friendship and aproach seem to be fake and to have the purpose of getting you a date. Most women will understand this and avoid you both as a friend and a date.

Be yourself and do not try to find a strategy with human emotion. Go with your intuition and do not form fake friendships, show your intentions. Certainly do not try the a**hole thing. It is the most wrong, juvenile and fatal thing you can do in dating.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 1:22pm
Make it clear that your interest in her is romantic...i.e., ask her out for dates, plan and pay for them, etc. If you act ambivalently towards a woman who is interested in you romantically, she may put you in a "just friends" category as self-protection and then it CAN be hard to get out (like many women, I lose interest in a guy who doesn't make his interest in me clear). But if you make it clear you are interested in starting a romantic r'ship with her, then she will be able to decide whether you are right for her with a clear understanding of your intent.

And absolutely do not act like a jerk! That's the quickest way to be in no zone at all!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 3:26pm
So i assume "physical attraction" has alot to do with it from the get go. If she is attracted to you, why would she want you to be her friend? In her mind, she wants you, and she wont put u in the zone. Now, if your average or ugly, she'll put you in the zone, because your being too nice to make up for the looks? What if i make it clear that i want to date her, and she refuses because im now her friend? Doesnt she make that decision within the first few minutes of meeting her, of either going to the zone, or a potential lover?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 3:43pm
Um, yes and no. There are plenty of guys I'm attracted to, but I'm not going to date all of them, because attraction doesn't guarantee compatibility. And I'm attracted to plenty of men who would not be considered conventionally handsome, so it's really not a matter of looks...it's a matter of what each woman's individual preferences are.

I don't understand your "being too nice" comment. So long as you're not a doormat, there's no such thing as "being too nice"!

If someone doesn't want to date you, you move on. It doesn't matter what the reason is.

No, I don't think most women make that decision within a few minutes. I might decide I'm attracted to someone, but I won't know if I'm *interested* in him, and in what capacity, until we spend some time together.

Also, attraction can grow. When I met my current SO, I wasn't really attracted to him as he's not my "type". But over the course of our first evening together, I became more attracted to him because we hit it off so well.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 4:55pm
I think you're confusing things here. Has someone told you that they cannot date you because you are their friend? Could it be that they mean they could never think of you as MORE than friends.

I have never discounted dating someone because I am friends with them. I have had some male friends who have asked me out and I have declined them- not because we are friends, but because I am not attracted to them romantically. Being friends or not doesn't have any bearing on that decision. I do not like to lead men on, if I do not feel romantic towards them I will not give them false hope. I would rather find someone I am interested in and hope they can do the same.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 5:05pm
The types of men that women just like "as friends" are usually effeminate types.

Contrary to what you may think, women don't like a-holes. They like men who are assertive, not aggressive. If a man doesn't know how to be assertive, only aggressive, then he's not a real man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 1:31am
Look Fabulouz

If you come off as too nice to them putting them on a pedestal and doing everything possible they say, YOU will be their girlfriend! They like a man with a backbone who will put his footdown when needed. A man that will defend himself blah blah blah. If you are "too nice" and not a challenge to them, being easily accessible. You will be their friend!!!!!!! Looks do play a role. A women will not put a good looking guy into the friend zone, cuz she wants his cack, and wants to know him more to figure out his personality. If your average or below good looks, then she wont think sex with you, so consider yourself her emotional tampon girlfriend

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 1:37am
"...If your average or below good looks, then she wont think sex with you..."

It's the whole package that makes a man attractive to us, not just the looks. A great personality can make an average looking guy much more appealing than a hot guy with no personality.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 5:56pm
Right!


It is the whole package. Lets say your out with your girlies at some club or wherever. Your lookin your best, and some hot guy comes up and approaches you with your girlies. Your not gonna notice his personality until you get to know him, and of course your gonna wanna do that since he's physically attractive.

Now if it's an average or below looking guy, in the same situation, you wont give him the time of day. That's how it works, hence people in fear of rejection on first appearance. Your fist impression is your last.

So, if your a good looking guy, your already in the door, which the other guy is not, so he'll try even harder buy kissing your butt etc....... to get in the door.

Looks do matter!

Pages