Back off a bit?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Back off a bit?
2
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 11:19pm

I have been seeing this great guy for about 2 months now. I was widowed 8 months ago, and he started working where i was at about that same time. We got to know each other at work and started having lunch there together, he knows all about my situation.
Fast forward to 2 months ago, when i got laid off. We started chatting online and texting a lot, and I finally accepted an invitation to a get together he was having with his roommates. Long story short, we hooked up that night, and have been seeing each other fairly regularly since then (check out my two other posts on this matter...). He's very sweet and attentive towards me; he kisses me in public (in front of his friends), we went to a club with friends recently and he bought me two very beautiful roses, he occasionally texts me unexpectedly during the day (when i try not to text him too much, to give him space).

We haven't really had a talk as to whether we are exclusive or not. In fact, i don't even know if i'm his girlfriend per se. I feel that we are exclusive though. I hang out very regularly with him and his roommates and friends, and i've even slept over a couple of times. If he's mentioned that i'm his "girlfriend", then it wasn't in front of me... He just mostly calls me "sweetie" and "Hon".

He too was laid off about a week ago. That's a lot for all of us to process. Me with my job hunting, condo hunting, widowhood, and new "relationship" with him. He with his now being laid off as well and job hunting, paying bills and maintaining a house with 2 roommates, etc...
Anyway, we were texting earlier today, and I mentioned something about our hooking up and stuff, and he said that he likes our situation where it is right now. That he likes to keep things nice and slow. He especially mentioned that so much is going on in both our lives right now that his head is spinning (but then he txtd "lol" and "mwah"...)

I don't want to be coming on too strong. I hope i'm not, at least. I think that maybe he just feels that he needs some space, most likely from me. What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 1:55am

I am not sure what your question is...are you wondering about your status with him? Or how to find out about where you stand in his life?

He made it pretty clear that he likes the pace of where you two are at. If you want to know if you are exclusive then you might want to find out,for your health purposes, if he is sleeping with anyone else, because you do have a right to know that at least. You just need to ask in a nonchalant manner.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 9:25am

DON'T ever assume anything. You have only been seeing each other for 2 months. That is way too early to really get to know someone. Just because you are seeing him, hooking up with him, he shows affection in public, don't assume it might be more than it is. You don't even know if you are bf/gf, so right now you are a hookup to him. He can do what he wants, as can you. I do think you should know if he is seeing anyone else because of the sex, for your own health, but don't blame him if he is and you didn't ask him about it. It is your health.

Right now he has the perks of a relationship without the constraints of one. The only way to know is to ask him. He has told you he likes things the way they are, believe him, if you don't like the way things are, talk to him about it. The only person you control in this is you. If you want more and he doesn't then you need to find someone who is on the same page as you. It is better to know sooner rather than later. Good luck