back or not and wanting kids??!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
back or not and wanting kids??!!!
2
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 11:46am
They say in relationship when you ask many, things do tend to get confusing. However, there are times where I actually received good advise from this site. So, I'm sending this email asking for your help because I don't trust myself (still in love & most likely will give in).

I broke up with my boyfriend, told myself move on you are heading for better direction (not 100% feeling it). During the break up I realized how much good times we had compared to bad ones. No matter how much I try to get mad at him my love for him still stands followed by forgiveness which overcomes anger. The argument was the biggest we ever had and was also the reason why we broke up.

We did not talk for weeks. Then one day he called and we met. When I saw him that day I realized how much I miss him and how much I still love this person. Thought we are going to discuss what happened and clear things up but instead he acted like nothing happened (this is normal after we had our fight). He's sweeter and more serious than before. He talked about wanting to have kids and wanting to start soon. No proposal. We always talked about having kids and other serious relationship matters since the day we met (just came naturally and it was never a bid deal, just another discussion).

After that meeting I told myself come what may. If we're meant to be we will eventually end up getting married. For the time being, I will not take it seriously and will continue to date others.

I'm pretty good in determining people's true intent when I use my gut feeling while looking at their eyes. When I did this to him during our meeting, I saw he's in love with me. However, his action/words contradicts what I see at times which is the reason why I'm confused.

Part of the reason why we broke up pertains to having kids. Why would he even talk about a sensitive issue like this right after the break up?

Why would a guy talk about having kids and wanted to start having one soon without any proposal?

How do I know if he's going to use me to have kids and not marry me?

If he's in love and is hiding it, what's the point seeing me again?

How do I know he's coming back for real and not because he's needing to fill the emptiness that break up brings?






iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 1:11pm
andesm...

Pianoguy senses that there's a 50/50 split when it comes to what your b/f really wants.

If having a child with you is more of a priority with him than a marriage proposal...it seems to me that YOU have to be convinced of his sincerity before the 2 of you.......err.......create a baby together?

But remember this...

Whether you choose to have children or not...there's ALWAYS the possibility for future disagreements between you...and exposing a child to this sort of behavior STINKS!

Seems to me that you need to get comfortable and focused with each other's needs. If your b/f is in a hurry to expand the family and YOU AREN'T...that's an issue you should discuss together......assuming he wants to listen to your side of the story?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 05-23-2004 - 4:09pm
"When I did this to him during our meeting, I saw he's in love with me. However, his action/words contradicts what I see at times which is the reason why I'm confused. "