is this bad or no

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
is this bad or no
3
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 10:41am
well. i have an update on my situation. me and my bf have been broken up fpr almost 2 weeks now. but i saw him last fri and yesterday . weve been talkin bout being friends and gettin to know each other better . now last nite we kissed. i wanna know how to figure out if he meant anything or did it cause he wanted to be nice. or he still cares. i told him though i don wanna do the whole friends w. benefits thing. do u think i should just try 2 meet someone else and get my mind off of him ? or stay around. even thought he says he wants 2 be single. cause all maybe he needs is time to realize he has a good grl. any advice please help.

AriES 32481

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 10:57am
If he wants to be single, then no he does not need time to realize he has a good girl. He had you and didn't want you and broke up with you. If you keep hanging out with him, sure he'll be happy to kiss you and keep having sex with you if you offer it to him, but that doesn't mean a thing. It will not be anything but friends with benefits, which you say you don't want. Give up on him, it's over. Keep the contact completely platonic, no kissing or anything else. If he really wants a relationship again, he'll tell you and you can decide then if he's even worth it, and it's quite obvious he isn't, or he wouldn't have broken up with you to begin with. Take some time to just be single and unattached. You don't want to rush into a new relationship until you're over this one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 11:20am
Keep your distance! I fell into that trap and I have had two guys I dated take advantage and get physical with me still calling it friendship. Maybe we could have been friends if I could have kept some boundaries, but if you flinch like allowing that kiss it can lead to him taking advantage of you. If he really wanted to be by the book friends he wouldn't have kissed you. Before you see him again or continue to be friends, you should find out what the kiss meant. If he still only wants to be friends, you should tell him the kiss was inappropriate and that behavior can not continue if you want to be friends. You can still try and talk to him. But, don't hang out with him again until that boundary is crystal clear. If he is going to change his mind and be with you don't have to give in to him physically to get that and if you do it still won't change things, but only hurt you. You may have said you don't want to be friends with benefits, but with guys actions speak louder than words. If you are not completely assertive about it, it doesn't matter what you say; they'll your being nice as a way to get around it. You may think my guy would never do that. But, even good guys do act this way, because that is what society teaches them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 11:59am
Perhaps this guy wants to keep coming for more "benefits" while staying friends, which will lead to a "FWB" type of deal. He may kiss you and such BUT he's well aware of what he wants: be single to date whoever he wants. If you don't want to become a "bedbuddy" stop the kissing now. Let him kiss his GF!